Hormones insanity

I'm writing two posts today cos after publishing the previous post, I visited a forum for mothers-to-be and remembered something that happened to me yesterday. I felt the need to post this so that I will remember it for years to come.

Yesterday, as I was checking out the same forum, I was reading the posts of all the other mothers-to-be. And after reading the posts of some of them whose babies have already arrived, I started to pat my own baby and started tearing for no rhyme and reason. I felt so emotional that my pregnancy is coming to an end and at the same time overjoyed for those mothers. Don't ask me why that happened but it just happened. Once again, I blame it on hormones.

At the same time, hubby has been lamenting on the fact that while other mothers-to-be are having the 'nesting instinct'. I seem to be totally lacking of it. The 'nesting instinct' refers to pregnant ladies who will develop the urge to clean up the house as the pregnancy advances to get the house ready for her baby. I guess I never liked doing housework. With or without pregnancy.

My home isn't that untidy anyway.

Facebook and what nots

Hubby's been working late these few nights and so I've been spending my evenings watching TV. Today, I went onto facebook and ended up spending close to 2 hours on it! However, I managed to find a long lost friend and we ended up chatting over MSN. I missed her wedding 4 years ago and have felt rather guilty eversince. So today, I apologised to her once again and she didn't even hold it against me. I felt so relieved. :)

A friend of mine will be going into the hospital to have her baby induced tomorrow. I feel so excited for her and wonder constantly when is my baby girl ready to face the world.

I've been feeling so blessed throughout the whole pregnancy with so many loved ones around me. Friends and relatives have been making me feel so pampered and loved. I hope this happiness in me will spread to baby girl and she'll be a jovial and optimistic girl.

Just now I was just thinking about the benefits of being pregnant and I shall list them out now.

1. Your hair will not drop as much as before.

2. You are actually proud of your tummy.

3. A chance to get a whole new wardrobe. Maternity clothes can be really nice too!

4. Birdnest every week? Yippee!

5. Nightly foot massages from your other half.

6. Feeling the little moves and nudgings from inside your womb.

7. Knowing that you'll get to embrace a little baby in 40 weeks time.

8. Putting on weight seems more acceptable than before.

9. People around you treat you nicer. Not that they weren't nice before. Just nicer.

10. Most importantly, you have a reason to live a better life. :)

Of course, I'm just trying to see the brighter side of pregnancy today. I don't think I need to list out the cons of pregnancy. I've been practically complaining about them in every other post.

My fingers are going numb. AGAIN. And this is just one of the many irritating facts bout pregnancy. Haha!

Can't think of any

Went to see the gynae on Friday. Reached there at 5pm and as usual took my weight and goodness gracious, my weight increased by 2kg over the last 2 weeks!! I thought I would have increased like at most 1kg? But no, it's 2kg! Sigh. If only I can lose weight as easily.

So anyway, took my weight and urine test and then sat down and waited for my turn. Then the very familiar line rang down the hallway:

"Dr Tan delivery!"

Not again! The last visit my gynae had to deliver a baby and it happened again this week. Well, can't complain cos one day, it could be me in the delivery suite while the millions of preggies are waiting for Dr Tan in her clinic. Luckily, hubby's aunt was with me and so I had her as company. Went to grab a bite while waiting for my hubby to arrive.

Upon returning back to the clinic, my turn came surprisingly early. Hubby wasn't there yet but I had no choice but to go in without hubby's company. This week, I had to check for any vaginal infection. It felt kinda uncomfortable and I can't imagine giving birth. Gosh! Then I asked the gynae whether there's any chance that baby will arrive earlier and she poked her finger into my vagina and then gave me a negative answer. I wondered what she's feeling for. At the same visit, the nurse also taught me how to do breast massage to stimulate the milk ducts so that I'll have breast milk when baby arrives. I felt seriously molested during that visit. Haha! But good thing is that baby princess is now 2.73kg and the gynae told me that if she grows at the same rate, she should be about 3kg when she arrives in this world.

Poor hubby totally missed the check up this week. He's supposed to finish work at 5.45pm and the delivery should have bought him some time. However, he took a wrong bus and gotta change another bus. What made things worse was that he's having a fever and he had to run all the way to the next bus stop to take another bus to the hospital. When he reached the clinic, he was panting and puffing away and he lamented that he didn't get to see his little girl this week. He was visibly upset and I felt a bit upset to see him so disappointed. His life revolves around baby now and he's always looking forward to the gynae visits.

After the check up, we went to the family clinic at the hospital to see the doctor about his fever. He's seriously ill with fever, flu, sore throat, respiratory tract infection and cough. Initially, we thought the fee wouldn't be very much higher than the normal GP. When we received the bill, we almost fainted. Ok, I almost fainted. Hubby is already fainting anyway. It came up to about $80. But seeing how much trouble it saved us and hubby's disappointment over not seeing baby, I felt it's alright. I just wanted to reach home earlier so that he can rest.

Hubby is still not very well and though his fever has subsided, his respiratory tract infection is still not very well. Gotta rest for a few more days but he can't take leave for the next few days. Poor thing.

Last night, I noticed a red spot in my discharge and I called up the hospital straight away. I didn't feel any pain or contractions and so I didn't admit myself into the hospital. We checked up the Internet regarding spotting during the third trimester and then we found out that it could be because of the vaginal examination the day before. So for the next few days, I just have to monitor and take note of any changes to my body. As long as baby is doing good. She's still very much active today and can even wake me up in the morning.

The subsequent check ups will be once a week. Will be able to see baby again next weekend. Hopefully hubby feels a bit more consoled by this fact. At least the wait isn't that long anymore. Who knows, baby may just decide to arrive earlier.

Name my baby

Today baby princess has another new name. Haha!

My pupils have been helping me name the princess.
So far, they've been addressing her as, 'Esther', 'Kimberly', 'Jacinthe' and today a new one, 'Kimberloy'.

They can be really cute sometimes. After greeting me, some of them have cultivated the habit of greeting me followed by......'Good morning baby'.

Today is the 25th which means that exactly one month from now, baby's gonna be out.
So exciting huh! Tomorrow I'll be visiting the gynae.

To gynae.......to gynae....to see my princess....lalalala

Normalised

Things are back to normal after the visit to the doctor. Now I'm just having my regular visit to the toilet once a day instead of the unusual three times a day. Will have to get calcium pills from the gynae this coming Friday when I visit her.

Weekend is over and tomorrow is Monday again.

Wanted to buy some stuff to spruce up the princess' room but ended up with nothing. Her daddy and I aren't very creative. We wanted to hand-make some items but after the visits to the stalls, none of the things seem to be able to be made into something nice or interesting. It actually boils down to our lack of creativity. We decided on buying something ready made. But none seems suitable still.

We ended up having chocolate fondue and smoothies instead.

We'll try again next week.

The song 'Leaving on a jet plane' keeps replaying itself in my head. That's cos I see my hospital bags each time I walk into the princess' room.

'My bags are packed and I'm ready to go....'

Read from a forum that some November mothers-to-be have already delivered their babies. I wonder when's mine coming. I can't wait to see her. The excitement is building up everyday and just feeling her legs through my stomach walls is enough to bring a smile to my face.

We've decided on the caterer for her full month celebration. We've also decided on the place and the menu. We've decided on where to order her cake and ang ku kuehs. Now we just need to wait for her to POP and all the party planning can materalise. I'm just so so excited!!!

MC today

I've wronged my precious 'ps girl'. So all these while, it wasn't her fault that I've been having diarrhoea.

Didn't go to work today cos of my tummy. As usual, after breakfast, I needed to visit the washroom. However, what is unusual this morning is that the tummy still feels annoyingly weird. It's not wrenching pain but it's just a dull pain that just irritates you. I thought maybe I can still make it to school and so left home. After reaching my void deck and crossing the car park, the pain is still there and so I decided to do a U-turn and head for home instead.

Hubby was very worried and asked me if I was going to deliver the baby anytime soon. I told him no cos the pain isn't contraction pains. I reckon contraction pains will be more unbearable. It won't be as simple as an irritating sensation. He left work and said he'll take half day urgent leave to keep me company in the afternoon.

So anyway, I went to see the doctor and told the doctor that I was having diarrhoea for almost a week. He asked me why did I wait so long before seeing a doctor and I told him that I thought it was normal. Moreover, the frequency of me visiting the toilet isn't that high. It's just that today felt a bit abnormal that I decided to see him. He went through the routine questionings and can even joke with me saying that this must be my first pregnancy cos I can remember how many weeks old is baby. He told me that usually mummies going through second pregnancy won't remember how many weeks is the baby. I made a mental note at that point in time that I won't do that to baby #2. So unfair right? I'll try at least.

In the end, he told me that it's actually cos of the milk that I've been taking every morning. He explained to me that it's cos of some enzyme lining that needs to break down the milk and that this lining is broken and so that's what's causing the diarrhoea. For now, I just gotta stay off milk and any milk products.

Ok, so now 'ps girl' shall have her title revoked. She'll just be back to be called 'my little princess'. Or whatever names that I feel like calling her. Her daddy calls her 'cheeky monkey'. So endearing isn't it? Haha!

Unwind

What do you do after a long day to relax yourself? I realise what is mine today. I'll stand in front of the mirror, flip my hair and look for white hairs. Then I'll pluck them out slowly until I find no more. But of course, each time I do that, there're always more to be found.

Maybe pulling out my white hair will cause damage to my hair roots. Maybe there'll be three more growing out after plucking one out. Maybe I'll become bald one day. But I love to pull out my grey strands. It's as if I'm removing all my worries and stress for the day.

Today I didn't really have a wonderful day. In fact, I left school feeling kinda guilty. I made J pissed off. I love all my colleagues in school. Really. Ok, at least most of them. They're more like my friends than colleagues. So what actually happened was my incessant teasing of J made her quite put off and then she decided to give me the silent treatment. That's when I realised I've carried the joke too far and decided to apologise. Just before I left school, I apologised to her again and though she said it was ok, I still felt bad.

That's when I thought about how I always scold my pupils for talking without using their brains. I think I'm guilty of that sometimes. I was reflecting on the day on my way back home and recalled an incident that happened two years back.

It happened between me and a pupil. Let's call him K. K is quite a notorious pupil in school but he's really quite a nice guy. That year that I was teaching his class, it was quite bad cos the class is not very interested in studies, what's more math. So teaching them can make you quite fed up sometimes. So one day, I can't really remember details but after some bantering about in class with K, I looked into his face and said, 'I hate the class because of you.'

K didn't take it as a joke and left the class immediately. Initially I thought he was just kidding but later I realised he's not cos he not only left class, he left the school compound. His classmates called him and he refused to say a single thing. That's when his friends came to me and say,'Cher, you know inside his bag only got your math ten-year-series you know. He doesn't even bring the rest of the books.' I felt immensely guilty and embarrassed by my own actions.

From that day onwards, I told myself to be kind to my pupils so that I won't hurt their feelings. K accepted my apologies eventually but he still brings this up as a joke at times. This teachers' day when he came back to visit me, he also brought it up. I guess sometimes the words a teacher says to his or her pupils really do have an impact on them.

Which reminds me of a short clip that I watched.

www.makeadifferencemovie.com

It is very inspiring and sometimes I think teachers need that little reminder to help us remember what brought us into teaching in the first place.

Humans always tend to take people that are dear to us for granted. You will never think about saying mean things to strangers. But sometimes we'll say the meanest things to people that are close to us cos we assume that they'll be able to accept what we say. And more often than not, regretting after hurting the other's feelings is just too late. I wish I had contained my tongue.

On another note, my legs are getting really red. They're like char siew pig trotters. Fat, red and well, fat. Seems like all the blood are being rushed to my legs. Something is just not right with me. Blame it on the hormones. During pregnancy, I realised that everything can just be blamed on hormones. Diarrhoea, hormones. Breakouts, hormones. Sleepless nights, hormones. Basically, everything, hormones. Only difference is the name of the hormones that is causing the different symptons.

Sleepless night

So the purchasing of the pinkish stuff didn't actually work out that well. Went shopping around and none seems suitable. Apart from this, I still had a good time with my sister. She gave me a treat or rather, I demanded a treat from her cos she got her first pay from her new job. I'm not exploiting my sister ok. I'm just making her responsible cos I give her treats all the time. Haha!

The cupboard we purchased for baby arrived today. I'll be packing her stuff into the cupboard later. The cupboard is actually a full size adult cupboard with 3 doors. Bought such a big one so that I can put my clothes in it as well. Haha! Her room still doesn't very much look like a baby's room cos of the lack of decorations so I'm thinking I better do some shopping this weekend to doll up her little room.

Last night, baby gave me such a sleepless night. I think it's due to the lack of space in my womb that resulted in her movements being amplified. Every single way that I turn or sleep just doesn't seem comfortable for her. She'll be ribbing her way through the walls of my abdomen and always seem to be stretching or pounding away. I'll be woken up every 1 to 2 hours, or maybe even less, just cos she made me feel so uncomfortable. Or is it the other way round? Either way, it seems that tonight I've to do some negotiation with her so that both of us can sleep peacefully.

Thought she'll be quiet today after the lack of sleep last night, turned out that she's still quite active today. She's still moving and kicking her way around. I hope she's not a nocturnal baby. Otherwise, that'll spell trouble for me when she's born. Need to read up more on correcting her sleeping patterns. The book on baby sleep that Auntie M has lent to me is still in the stack of baby books that have not been read. Hee!

Last night I was reading on a part on the symptons of an impending delivery. I realised that I've quite a few symptons there. The first one being swollen limbs. Of cos my pig legs and sausage fingers say it all. The other one is that you'll start having diarrhoea. That's cos of some hormone being produced called prolactin. And that's precisely what is happening to me. I call my baby 'ps girl'. Go figure what's ps. My bowel movements had increased tremendously these few days. Some days I go up to three times a day. Ok so it's not that tremendous but if a normal human being only does it once a day, three times a day is three times the normal human being! Then it wrote that you'll feel contraction pain. Last night I don't know whether what I felt was contraction pain but I felt this momentarily pain at the bottom of my abdomen. Then again, it could be ps girl up to her tricks again.

Oh, today I received a gift from my colleague. Let's call her Auntie G. She came up to me and gave me a pleasant surprise by telling me that she's got a gift for me and she hopes I like it. I can't resist the temptation and opened it up straight away. It's a lovely baby book. It's kinda like a journal which I can write down every single thing about the baby. From baby's first footprints to her first lock of baby hair, to her family tree to her first birthday. I love it. I think it'll serve as a real momento for her and it will let her know how precious she is to us.



Oh here's a picture of the wallpaper that's around part of her room.



Alright, shall go pack up her cupboard now. She seemed excited about the thought cos she's rumbling about again.

Turn Baby Turn

Went to the gynae after work yesterday. Am hoping that I wouldn't gain too much weight and at the same time that the baby is in the right position. Upon arrival, I did the usual thing of measuring my weight and hoping for the best. To my pleasant surprise, I only gained 100g after 2 weeks! YIPPPPEEE!! That means my gynae won't nag too much at me. However, after knowing that I've only gained 100g, I start to worry about baby. Whether she's put on weight. What a dilemma!

Waited for my turn and started to think about how long the wait will be. The usual wait is about 2 hours and looking at the little people around me, I'm hoping that today's wait will be shorter. After what seems like half an hour, I see only about 3 couples around me and I feel pretty happy about it cos I think I really don't have to wait that long today. :)

Just when I was feeling pretty happy about the whole situation, the nurse came out of the doctor's office and started calling out names of the other preggies around me and said, "Doctor Tan delivery." I wanted to kill myself there and then.

So I decided to stop waiting and went to find food. Who knows how long the delivery will take. And this is the second time that I've to wait for a delivery to take place before my turn.

Long story short, my turn finally came and as usual I was only in there for about 10 minutes. Baby is now upside down but not engaged yet. Which is good news cos the doctor wouldn't have to manually turn the baby. I jokingly told the doctor that I thought I can see her perform the 'rotation magic' and that got an evil stare from my hubby. Haha! She's also gaining weight and is now 2.3kg. 400g more from the previous visit. Which means, I've lost weight! Hee! After doing some calculation, I realised that she's gaining 200g per week and I've about 7 weeks to go. So at the rate she's growing, she'll be 3.7kg upon delivery!!!!! That's a pretty big baby. My SIL called me after the visit and I told her bout it and she told me that the baby's growth rate will become stagnant after a certain stage and only then I felt more relieved. I don't want my baby girl to be born fat and hate me for life! Haha!

Visited IKEA after the check up. Needed to buy a cupboard for baby, a bookshelf and a tv cabinet for the room. The TV cabinet is meant for hubby's aunt when she comes over to take care of the baby. We decided to put a TV in the room for her so that she can watch TV at night. So I was telling hubby that baby is a lucky baby. She already has a TV in her room before she is born. I needed to wait till I was in my teens before having a TV in my room.

Today hubby and I decided to start shifting the stuff in baby's room to make it neater. We wallpapered a portion of the room and shifted the furniture around. Now the baby's room is more like a baby room and all we needed is more decorations and pinkish stuff. I'm tasked with purchasing the pinkish stuff and I enlisted my sister's help for this. I think she's better with all this decorations.

I'm filled with anticipation for baby's arrival! Yesterday during the ultrasound scan, baby's hand was on her chin. I think she's starting to wonder what life will be like when she arrives in this world. I wonder about that all the time.

Interesting

I feel accomplished today. I finished what I set out to do today. I ended the day jubilated. Went home with a light heart knowing that I can sleep peacefully tonight.

Met up with hubby and went to do what aunties do, shop at a supermarket. I should say that's now our favourite past time. To go through the aisle and see what new and exciting snacks are in store. Take note that I used the word snacks. Both of us are not very healthy people and prefer to enjoy our food. We don't really like things that are low-fat or sugar-free as we like our food real. Haha! Maybe I'll live to regret it one day. Or rather, each time I feel fat, I tell myself this unhealthy habit gotta stop but I just give in each time. :P

After dinner, we sat down together with my MIL and started watching TV. The TV show ended with a very interesting line:

感情就像牙齿，一样不能自拔。

I repeated it upon hearing that and my hubby looked at me and said, "Too bad we're married."

I was puzzled and asked him what he meant and he shrugged it off. Perhaps to mean that we're already in love? And he asked me to post it in my blog. Then he continued to say, "But in what context are you going to post this?"

Whatever the case, I made a mental note just now to make sure that I post this up tonight. I seriously think the analogy is very interesting and apt. It doesn't matter what context I post this up but it's just interesting.

While I was in the shower just now, I thought to myself how I should start my post for tonight. Then my thoughts trailed back to that interesting line and I started thinking bout my whole marriage.

It's definitely not without hiccups. However, I feel completely blessed now. When I was 16, I told my best friend about my plans. Not big major plans like becoming a CEO of a company but I told her that I wanted to get married at 25, have my first child at 27 and then my second child at 29. In that way, I'll have a complete family by the time I'm 30 and I can start watching my children grow up while I concentrate on my career.

So when I broke up with my previous boyfriend at 21, I was devastated. I asked myself how am I going to make my dream come true. Haha! So fate has it that I met my hubby at 22. We then decided to get married when I was 23. Everyone, including my parents and relatives were shocked at my hasty decision. To hand in my fate to someone whom I've just known for a year. At that point in time, I felt that it was the right thing to do and just followed my heart. My parents were hesitant but encouraging bout my decision. My cousins just hated me for that decision cos now all my aunties and uncles take me as a benchmark. Haha! Anyone who is around 23 should just start getting married. Hee!

The first few years weren't easy. The stress from work and a new lifestyle with someone new made it difficult for us to live together peacefully at times. But we made it through and after a few years of just the two of us, we got bored. We decided that a baby will make that little difference. Moreover, I'm reaching 27 and so it's time for me to embark on my next phase of life. To have baby number 1.

I wanted the baby to arrive at a nice time. That is to say, the end of my 3 months maternity leave will coincide nicely with the December holidays. So we tried and after a few months of trying, we gave up. After about 4 to 5 pregnancy test kits, we told ourselves to just forget it. Whatever will be, will be.

Life went on as usual and then on one fateful night after missing my period for about a week, hubby suggested that we try the pregnancy test kit again. The next day, we stepped into a pharmacy and we purchased the cheapest test kit found there. I didn't want to waste money again you see. Haha! Came home and the next thing I knew, it's positive!!! I couldn't believe my eyes and I asked myself whether it's due to the cheap test kit that the results are not reliable. We then rushed to the clinic nearby and there, the test is positive again. I'm pregnant.

That's how the whole excitement started. I called up my parents immediately and informed them of the good news. My sister sounded more excited than me at that time. She loves kids! That explains why she's a childcare teacher. Anyway, everyone was super excited bout the good news and the next day, my mummy called up all my aunties to bring them the good news. That's when one of my auntie told my mummy that she dreamt that my late grandma was holding on to the hand of a child. She was then wondering who'll be pregnant next. And it happened to be me.

Superstition or not, I feel that the child is blessed. She's a gift and has brought happiness to many around me. Among the many physical discomforts, the bulge that is growing everyday, reminds me of the love in my marriage. She completes part of the blissful picture that I painted for myself. And the picture will be even prettier in about 40 days time.

Rest

休息是为了走更长的路.

I always abide by that saying whenever I feel like taking a rest. Left school today at 3pm after finish marking my last question for the 3E EM papers. I'm now down to my last stacks of AM papers and I'm done. The papers are back home with me but I've not even touched them yet.

Decided to come home early today cos poor hubby is on MC today. So I thought I'll come home earlier to keep him company. Ended up sleeping the afternoon away and when I woke up, it's dinner time. So I figured there's no point in trying to salvage the no-marking situation and just go with the flow. Will bring the whole stack of papers back to school tomorrow and immerse myself in marking the day away.

Worse come to worse, there's always Thursday which is the official marking day anyway.

If there's anything that this whole pregnancy has taught me, it taught me to cherish every single minute that I have. As my due date is at the end of the year, I feel the need to finish up matters and hand them over properly to the next person taking over me. So I try to complete my work quickly so that I've time to deal with the nitty gritty stuff. And that's a good thing isn't it? I guess it's probably my need to feel efficient as I'm always worrying that I'll be unable to cope with the baby coming along. So this is like a training period?

I always admire my colleagues who are able to handle both families and work. They seem to do it so effortlessly. I tell myself that I've to be like that too. I want to have my cake and eat it.

I hope that didn't sound too ambitious but we just have to better ourselves at every stage of our life right?

Just after dinner, hubby and I started discussing about where to place all the furniture in the house. Our place is currently in a mess with a whole mix of furniture. They come in all colours and designs and simply do not match at all. That's a big headache. Plus we need to make sure that the place is babysafe so that when junior is able to start walking, we don't have to start changing the furniture and everything. Space doesn't seem big enough to house everything. And to think that I used to live in a 3-room flat when I was born and my parents are able to accomodate everything in that house.

Sometimes, I think we complain too much. If I were to compare my time with my parents' time, I'm definitely much more fortunate. I've a bigger flat and both me and hubby are working to support the family. And yet, I always complain to my mummy that I've not enough money. Haha! My mummy will then bring up her old grandmother story about how she has to scrimp and save just to raise me and my sister up cos my daddy was the only one working. Then she'll go on about how they finally managed to save up enough to move to a bigger place and so on and so forth. Come to think of it, it's really quite admirable for them to be able to do that. Especially on a single income.

Oh well, it's almost 10pm and it's time for me to rest. AGAIN. Haha!

Overly Excited Parents

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon. I'm supposed to start doing some marking of the exam papers but I ended up sitting in front of the computer surfing the Internet for catering services.

Hubby and I are starting to discuss the venue and menu for our baby's first month celebration. Haha! I do realise we're being overly excited but that's definitely more interesting than marking crosses on foolscap papers.

We drew up the guest list and it came up to about 150 people. Then we started wondering about how are we going to fit everyone into our flat. Maybe we'll stagger the timings. Maybe we'll cut down on the number of people we're inviting. Maybe not all of them will come. But whatever it is, maybe we shouldn't hold it at home. Then where is baby going to sleep? Decisions, decisions, decisions. I wish I live in a mansion. Then I can set up a marquee for the reception and then baby will be at home as well.

Fat Fat Fat

I'm now officially 50 days away from my EDD.

The final lap of pregnancy is finally taking a toil on me. Not so much of being tired. But rather the physical discomfort that is happening to me. As a teacher, I do lots of walking and standing which are no good for me. At the end of the day, I REALLY can't find my ankles anymore. My pupils come up to me and ask me why are my ankles so swollen. Goodness gracious! And that didn't happen at the end of the day.

I always have to get my hubby dearest to massage my feet at the end of the day and that will soothe the ache a little. My feet will then will to be propped up and hopefully, I'll see my ankles the next day. However, in the morning after waking up, another ache hits me. My fingers go all numb and I've to clench them to get the blood flowing and then I'll stare at those sausage fingers to make sure that they're actually part of my body. That's my swollen ankle for tonight. And that's on a better night. Other nights it could have been worse.



At this juncture, I realise that my baby is having hiccups. The feeling is somewhat like being in a club and you keep feeling the bass of the music and your body just goes 'thump thump thump'. Something like that. Talking about baby, I think she's getting bigger and so the space inside the womb is getting limited. Sometimes when I sit without a straight back, I can feel her stretching herself to get into a comfortable position. And then I'll have to sit up straight so that she'll feel a little bit more comfortable. Trouble is I don't know what position is she in now and so can't feel whether the stretch is due to her legs or hands.

Been taking her stuff out to wash so that she'll be all ready for the new world. Her clothes are all so tiny that I'm figuring out how to hang them up on the bamboo pole. Then I think to myself, how can anyone so tiny fit into those clothes?! Haha! The sizing of my clothes just gets bigger and it's depressing to go shopping nowadays. I hardly look at myself in the mirror anymore. I can't face that fishball look anymore. *sob sob* I wish I can just store the baby somewhere during pregnancy and then pick her up at the end of the 9 months. But that will mean I'll miss out on those little kicks and little stretches. How nice if I can feel all these and the baby is stored somewhere else. Then I wouldn't have to feel enormous and still enjoy the process of pregnancy.

Oh did I mention that I'm having stretch marks already?!?!?! I was rather lazy in applying my stretch mark cream and took for granted that maybe it wouldn't happen to me. Then one fine day, I looked at myself in the mirror, admiring my tummy and saw those awful red lines!!! I almost fainted on the spot. I took out my stretch mark cream and started applying on those lines. I kept going over and over the little red lines, it's as if I'm hoping they'll go away after rubbing. But they didn't. In fact, I feel as if there're more of them recently. Told myself, what the heck. I look awful enough. What's a few more lines. Tragic isn't it?

On a happier note, baby has gotten herself a new top. Thanks to Aunty M again. It's one with a cute little rabbit.



I hear the washing machine finishing its run. Gotta go hang up baby's clothes.

Then I'll start my nightly routine of massaging my big fat ankles.

Smell

After publishing the previous post, I walked out of the staff room towards the washroom. That's when a familiar smell hit me. It's the 'secondary school pupil' smell. Then some random thoughts came to my mind.

Have you ever realised that people of different age group often gives off different smell?

Babies always have that very nice 'baby smell' that they seemed to be born with. Maybe it's the smell of the amiotic fluid in the mother's womb? Somehow, babies just smell good all the time. Apart from the time they regurgitate milk, wee wee or poo poo.

Then when they reach kindergarten or primary school. They adopt another smell. It's the 'primary school kids' smell. That kind of smelly yet child-like smell. No matter which primary school or kindergarten you visit, you always get that same smell when a few dozens of kids get together.

Then of course, when they reach secondary school, they get another type of smell. It's difficult to describe but it's kinda musky. Maybe it's the smell that indicates that they're growing out of the child phase and into adulthood. It's not unbearable but just a faint musky smell. Of course, some secondary school kids grow up very fast and have gotten into the bad odour phase.

Then it's adulthood and most adults just smell like adults. Usually peppered with perfume or some other type of fragrance that they've applied on themselves. They hardly stink unless they got themselves engaged in some sports or fight?

Soon it's the middle aged and then old age. Old people also have a kind of smell that only old people will have. It's not easy to describe either. You gotta smell them to know what the smell is like.

So ya, another random meaningless post to while away my time in school when I have more important things to deal with! ARGH!!!

Sian Ah!

I'm now in the midst of typing remarks for my class pupils. Not even half is done but I'm running out of ideas and decide to take a brain break. Maybe blogging will help. I guess. Plus, due to popular demand, I've been told to update my blog regularly so that my loyal fans will have more to read. Haha!

Last Saturday, I went for my regular check up at the gynae. Baby is now 32 weeks old. It seemed just like yesterday that I was counting the weeks to reach 20 and now I'm almost towards the end of the pregnancy.

I'm having mixed feelings. Both of apprehension and excitement. Apprehension cos I don't know whether I'll be able to handle the wobbly little thing in my arms and whether she'll be screaming and shouting in the middle of the night. I mean, after dealing with the monsters in school, I guess I should be able to handle a little one right? Apart from the apprehension, there is more excitement filled in me. The pregnancy has been a smooth one so far and it seems almost touching that it's near the end now. In about 2 months time, I'll be able to see my baby. Seems surreal to say 'my baby'. Haha! I feel myself not fully grown up yet and now I'm going to be a mother. Gosh!

At the last check up, the gynae really make me feel that reality is drawing near. She passed me a letter of admission to the hospital and told me that I've to bring it everywhere I go in case of emergency. She has also given me the number to call in case I feel labour pain.

So I asked her, 'How will I know whether the contractions are for real?'.

She just replied me nonchantly, 'You'll know when it's labour pain. It'll be painful. Can't describe it otherwise.'

So I just looked at her and nodded my head. Not very helpful I think to myself. Of course I know it'll be painful. But I heard so much about fake contractions. So I was more like asking her how will I know whether it's the real thing or not. But nevermind.

Baby is still in the breech position and she told me that by now, most baby would have turned and get ready for arrival. Somehow, little princess is more upright than others and prefer to stand most of the time. So gynae told me that if by the next visit, she still isn't turned around yet, she'll have to turn her manually. Baby is now 1.9kg and during the scan, we can only see parts of her. It's either the head, the abdomen or the legs. Her head just looks like a round ball, her abdomen, another round ball and legs, hmmm, somewhat resembles that of frog's legs. Haha!

My sister was also with us for the check up.

After the check up, she asked me, 'How is the doctor going to turn the baby manually?'

I gave her a blank look and she continued, 'Is she going in there to turn the baby?' She said this complete with actions. Hands outstretched and turning her palms round and round.

I wanted to laugh out loud but I contained myself and answered her, 'Then she might as well just carry the baby out right? Why go through the hassle of turning?!?!'

Then both of us started laughing. My sister never fails to make me laugh each time I'm with her.

Last night, I started packing my hospital bag. I wrote a list of what to bring while doing invigilation and realised that I may need a luggage to lug everything to the hospital. But at the same time, the bag can't be too bulky cos when the pain is here, I can't possibly bring such a heavy bag to the hospital. So I tried to find everything travel size. Hopefully, it'll reduce the weight of the bag. My bag is full of my stuff. Baby stuff is still outside. How? I can't possibly go dirty and smelly without all my toiletries or clean change of clothes right? At the same time, I can't allow my baby to go home naked without her cute little pink tops. What a dilemma. It's just giving birth and it's more difficult than rocket science.

I gotta enjoy the last 2 months of my pregnancy. All the pampering from family and friends will soon come to an end when the baby is out. The attention will be diverted to her and now I'm just riding on it.

The night before I fell asleep, I asked my hubby, 'After baby comes out, will you still wake up to make breakfast for me?'

Without hesitation, he replied, 'Yes of course. Baby needs breakfast too right?'

That ended my night and that tells you the plight I'll be in when baby is out.