Where happiness prevails

Lovely Monday

2009-10-19T17:18:00.004+08:00

How lovely if every Monday is like today.
Basically, a Monday when there's no school and you can just eat and sleep as and when you like.
Then maybe there will be no such things as 'Monday blues' and there'll be 'Tuesday blues' instead.
And then people all over the world will like Mondays and hate Tuesdays just like how we know like Sundays and hate Mondays.
Actually it's irrelevant whether it's called Monday or Tuesday cos the only days that I like are called Holidays.
I don't really like weekends that much either.
Cos that eventually lead up to weekdays.
But on hindsight, so will holidays.
Oh whatever!

Anyway, I've noticed that I've not posted for a good almost half a year.
Everytime I think about posting, I think about what I want to write.
Then I realise that it's not really interesting and decide not to post.
Or sometimes, I think about the pictures that I have to upload and the long loading time, I decide not to post.
And so the procastination begins and I end up not doing anything.

Today, I was sifting through my documents and found this video.

This video was made during my last post attempt.
Which failed.
So I thought I should upload it now so as to compensate.
This video was taken during the last trip to Sentosa.
Which was in June.
But hey, it is still an update from the post made in May right?
Any forms of updating is always good.

So what have I been up to?
To be honest, this year passed so quickly that it scares me.
Am I developing wrinkles that I've not noticed?
Have I accumulated tonnes of white hair which is hidden under my hair dye?
Basically, am I growing so old so fast that I failed to catch every step of my own aging process?
Scary right?

Think about what you were up to last year this time.
Didn't it feel just like not too long ago that you did what you were doing?
I was planning my Japan trip and now, I'm reminiscing about my Japan trip while my colleagues talk about THEIR Japan trip.

I think I'll bring Raine overseas next year.
Since this year passed so quickly, then next year this time should come pretty fast too.
Raine can officially travel overseas next year.
You know, I think I've shared my story about Raine not being able to travel overseas to many people.
I can't really remember who I've shared with.
But it seems that almost everyone knows and will give the 'Oh-Raine-can-finally-travel-overseas-next-year' look whenever I mention about me bringing Raine overseas next year.
Please tag me if you've heard the story.
That will let me know who have read this post as well.

I think there are still some readers lurking out there anticipating my next post.
So here it is my loyal fans!
It's difficult when you are so popular!
*exaggerated exasperated look*

Raine is still the cheeky little girl that I've written about.
Except that now she's a little taller and heavier and have longer hair.
She's talking more and sometimes, I think like an adult.
She'll say things like 'the cat is very sad' when she walks past a cat.
Or she'll just pretend that she's a grown up and demands, 'don't help me!' when we try to be the loving pair of parents.

Her teacher in school loves her.
Teacher M has secretly told me that Raine is her favourite when everyone else is not around.
So I think that's something I'm really proud of.
She can now recite the phonics from A to Z and sing the whole song of 'Twinkle twinkle little star', 'Itsy Bitsy Spider' and her 'Good morning' and 'Special song' from school.
Sometimes when I see her so actively engaged in school, singing and dancing along, I feel like tearing.
It's true, I get that emotional at times.
Inside my heart, the overwhelming motherly instinct takes over my thoughts and I think 'Oh how much my baby has grown. How long will she continue to depend on me'.

Just this morning, I was surfing the Internet for pre-school for her.
Currently, the one that she's attending is a little too far for her to attend everyday.
So I'm hoping to look for one that is near my place.
But I either get the reply that the centre is full or it's closed.
Schools nowadays are so scarce.
Maybe I should just quit and open up my own pre-school.
I'm sure kids are easier to deal with as compared to the emo teenagers nowadays.

Talking about teenagers, my lovely 3E1 has failed to live up to their expectations this time round.
Anyone of you reading this right now, REPENT IMMEDIATELY!
But it's ok.
Being the friendly, kind, amiable, approachable, wonderfully nice teacher that I am, I shall forgive you.
Cos you still have ONE YEAR to make up for it all.
But the other set of teenagers, the 4Es!
You better not be blog hopping to another blog.
Cos your O-levels start NEXT WEEK!
Oh gosh, next week.....I wonder how many of them are prepared.
Don't let the mantra 'See you in 2010' come true.

So, the lovely Monday is coming to an end and tomorrow is Tuesday.
It's marking day tomorrow and at the same time a very big day for me.
It concerns my future and right now, I'm thinking I better go get ready for my big day.
No I'm not getting married again or giving birth again.
It's just a BIG day.

Wish me luck my ardent fans!
Meanwhile, I shall continue to read my story book.

Till the next time I feel like posting.

Adios!

Reason for my disappearance

2009-05-25T15:50:00.013+08:00

It's been way too long since I last blogged.

It was last year when that happened and one semester has passed.

So much had happened and I seriously don't know where to start.

The usual work stuff shall be skipped.

But I think having a lovely form class has made things good so far and their results have made me really proud of them.

Not to mention that they're lovely kids and these bumblebees really live up to their name.

The last time I blogged, Raine was still a wobbly little toddler.

Today, she's grown so much and I have missed out lots of updates.

Some photos to compensate.

A future Tiger Woods in the making

Raine in cheong sum with mandarin oranges during CNY

One of those trips to Botanical Gardens

A tyrant in the making

No, I didn't give birth secretly. That's cousin Tristan.

Raine in her favourite Mickey Mouse t-shirt with her first craft

So Raine is now a little terror who does not hesitate to show off her temper.
Her favourite is by far, throwing whatever is in her hand whenever she's upset.
She's already yakking away and her favourite sentence is, '______(fill in blank with whatever she wanna look for) where?'

I always look forward to weekends with her.
I have already started Raine on weekend enrichment lesson.
Yes, I am a kiasu parent.
I just want to give her the best and make sure that she won't lose out in this competitive society.
This worry grown in me when I met a fellow teacher at a workshop and he told me that kids nowadays are using words like 'demolish' in primary one.
Inside my mind, I'm thinking, 'Will Raine be able to use that word when she's in primary one?'
So that triggered me to decide to send her for class.
Moreover, I'm thinking of sending her to a childcare centre and I hope that by sending her for lessons, she'll understand what it means by attending school and realise that I'm not abandoning her when I send her to the childcare centre.

Raine enjoys her lessons and I guess she's most interested in project time.
That's the time when she'll really concentrate and listen to what the teacher is saying.
Learning phonics and listening to storybooks don't really seem to be her cup of tea.
She'll always end up walking to another corner of the classroom and asks me to 'sit here'.

However, I think she really enjoys interacting with her classmates.
And not to mention her teachers.
I'm happy whenever she's happy.

This cheeky little girl makes me really mad sometimes as well.
She has this habit of spitting out her porridge whenever there's something hard in it.
Guess she's just too lazy to bite.
And this only happens to porridge.
If I were to give her biscuits, she'll chew them away happily.
And sometimes to prove her point that porridge doesn't really interest her, she'll sip her water and let it drip out of her mouth!
Such a headache to feed her sometimes.

Nowadays bringing Raine out, apart from bringing her necessities, I've to arm myself with $1 coins as well.
What happened to those days when kiddy rides were just 20 cents?!
She'll always rush to her kiddy rides and scream 'up, up up' with arms outstretched.
If we don't, she'll cry.
And parents being parents, I'll always relent and carry her up.
Then the next thing she'll say is, 'money' and expect us to put in the money.
And as usual, if we don't, she'll whine.

Sometimes, I suspect that I'm spoiling her.
And that's the last thing I want to do.
Cos honestly, I do beat her.
This is especially so when she throws tantrums and hurl things across the room.
She has an exceptionally stubborn streak and will not cry even if I hit her hand till it's red.
She'll just stare at me and not cry.
At the most, she'll proceed to stare at her red hand before running away.
Sometimes, just to spite me, she'll even throw and run away before I can even hit her.
The only time when she'll burst into tears is when there're others around.
She'll cry and force her tears out while saying, 'mummy beat' and go on to mumble some stuff which no one can comprehend.

Watching Raine grow up is my utmost concern now.
Making sure that she's safe is my responsibility.
That's why Raine has to undergo 2 more jabs despite her long list of vaccinations.
Recently, due to the H1N1 outbreak, I brought her to take the seasonal flu jab.
Despite the fact that it'll not vaccine her against the H1N1, I wanted her to take it just to have some form of protection.

To be extra safe that she'll be safe, I postponed all thoughts of travelling this June.
Instead, I'll be bringing her to Sentosa for a short getaway.
Not much of going overseas but at least I get to stay in a hotel.
Haha!
That is to make me feel better.
And plus I intend to bring her swimming.
The last time I brought her, she's only 6 months old.
She ended up with running nose and to ensure that she'll be alright this time round, I bought her a thermal swimming suit.
Hopefully, that'll keep the flu bug at bay.

Thinking of Raine always brings a smile to my face.
Although she's naughty at times, cuddling her to sleep always makes everything ok and worthwhile.

Sweeping away the cyberwebs

2008-12-22T13:44:00.014+08:00

Once again, I was hibernating in my little real world and despite reminders for updates, I turned a deaf ear. And after many many numerous numerous reminders, I decided to get off my lazy butt and start updating.

You know, there are many times when the statement, 'I gotta blog about this' , plays through my mind. However, my will is just not strong enough to really blog about it. So I end up telling myself, 'Ok, I must blog about this, about that, about those, about these when I actually blog'.

But, once again, it all depends on my flow of thoughts when I sit in front of the computer. I forget sometimes. Excuses, excuses, excuses. Oh well, what else can I say. I've a baby to take care of ok! The most convenient REASON of all. ;p

So, in my teeny weeny little world, Raine is now one year old. She's sleeping really soundly now and so that's also why I can have the luxury of sitting here typing. Time is no longer in my control. My world revolves around her and so does my time. So sometimes, I beg for my precious' mercy and plead her to go have her nap so that I can have a little bit more time for myself. If she grows up, I'm gonna ask her to invent a drug that is suitable for making babies sleep. Kinda like a sleeping pill but harmless. I think I'm gonna be a millionaire should this pill ever be invented. All parents will thank me and babies will grow really quickly cos all of them have their beauty sleep. Remember, you first read about this idea here! This idea is MINE! So don't ever try to be funny and invent this pill before my baby Raine grows up. The pill shall be called 'Raine's beauty sleep'. But first, I must make sure that you people reading this have babies. Otherwise, no one will need 'Raine's beauty sleep'. When I mean have babies, have them when you're married. Remember, no sex before marriage! Don't go round telling your parents that I'm encouraging you to have babies. Of course, this applies to my young underaged readers. For older folks, or rather, matured readers, go get married and have babies. Oh whatever.

So I digress.

Yes, so Raine is one and we held 2 birthday parties for her. One at my mum's and the other at my own place. This is to prevent Raine from being overwhelmed with love. She can spread those love over 2 days. Isn't it nice? So she had two birthday cakes, sang the birthday song twice and blew candles twice.

Her first birthday cake

Her second birthday cake

The second birthday cake was significantly bigger than the first and we took about a week to finish it off. After throwing some away. I think she enjoyed herself but I doubt she understood what it meant when we wanted her to wear her princess party hat. She knew that she was the centre of attention when all of us sang birthday song and looked at her. She clapped and was smiling away. I reckoned the adults had more fun than the birthday girl herself. Especially when I was happily snapping away while Cousin Seth wanted to show his love for Raine.

Seth: Happy birthday cousin Raine

Raine: Hey, what do you think you are doing?

Seth: Happy Birthday my dear cousin!
Raine: Erm, I think you're getting a little too close...

Seth: Ok, I tell you what, let's face the back. Your mummy's a little annoying!

Seth just wanted to pose for picture with Raine. But Raine wasn't too cooperative. In the end, we gave up and decided to ask them to stand for a picture together instead.

What's up with the party hats?!

Her birthday party was simple but nice. I wanted to celebrate her birthday in style. You know, with lots of balloons, presents and lots of people. Then I decided not to cos she probably won't remember and I'll end up being really tired. And poor. So simple is good. But I'll definitely hold a MacDonald birthday party for her when she's older. I think every child deserves it.

Well, despite our efforts in giving her the best of everything, Raine is still very much the menace. She's becoming a little independent being who insists on wanting things her way. She'll want to walk on her own in shopping malls. Without us. She'll want to take things out of the stores. Without paying. She'll just do everything that we don't want her to do.

Can't imagine what it'll be like when she's older. Like in her teens. Oh gosh! Can't imagine. I'll just tell her not to let others know my occupation. How ironic if her teachers gotta ring me up every now and then to complain about her.

Back to my updates. After her birthday came the school holidays. My favourite time of the year. Went on a trip to Tokyo with just hubby. Decided to leave the little imp behind. Otherwise, I don't think we can actually enjoy our trip. Plus it'll be too cold for her. So the main reason why we didn't bring her is cos it's too cold for her. That's right.

It was a really good trip. We always love trips to places with cold weather. We just wanted to see smoke coming out from our mouths when we talk. Not from cigarettes. Loads of time alone together and that is something really precious nowadays.

We visited Disneyland, Mount Fuji and most of the other places listed in our trusty travel guidebook. Seeing how the Japanese behave kinda puts me to shame. They are soooooo polite and orderly. They queue for everything. They queue for the train, they queue for food, they queue for toilets, they queue for donuts, they queue even when they want to look at christmas decorations. Talking about christmas decorations, Tokyo is beautiful at night. They've lovely christmas decorations everywhere and with the cold weather, it really feels like christmas.

Us with Mount Fuji in the background

One of the beautifully decorated street

A view of Hakone while on a cruise along Lake Ashi

Now I know why so many people around me love Japan. The view is awesome and the place doesn't really have lots to complain about. Apart from the fact that it's getting a little bit more expensive with the exchange rate and and the amount of walking one has to do while you're there. The subway station itself can kill you! If you're complaining that Dhoby Ghaut is big, you wouldn't complain once you've been to Tokyo and back.

So I was saying that the weather over in Tokyo was cold and though I loved the cold, I just can't tolerate the dry wind that blows in Tokyo. It makes me feel that my face is all tensed up and it feels that my face is cracking each time I talk or smile. It is especially so when we were up on Mount Fuji. It was terribly cold and my hands were freezing. That's when my hubby said something that I thought was really funny. We were standing on Mount Fuji looking across at some other mountains. It was a really beautiful scenery. The wind was blowing against our faces and we were just taking in the moment.

That's when he said, 'So this is how it feels.......'

Inside my heart, I was thinking of, 'to be living in a cold country' or something to that effect.

Then he continued to say, 'to be a meat or vegetable in the freezer'.

Imagine my reaction in that instant. I didn't know whether to laugh or roll my eyes. I just burst out laughing and realised that my hubby does has his funny moments.

I had a great time this holiday. Though the trip was short but I had fun. While I was in Tokyo, no matter how impish my little baby Raine may be, I missed her tremendously. I'm seldom away from her for such a long time. Each day, I wonder whether she's sleeping well or eating well. And to some extent, I feel a little guilty leaving her behind in Singapore while we're having fun. We decided to bring her along for our next trip. I guess trips away from home will never be the same again after having a baby. A little part of you just seems to be left behind when she's not around.

Christmas is coming and we've gotten ready our gifts for the kids. No matter how bad a recession is, kids ought to receive presents on Christmas. I always receive Christmas with mixed feelings. I love Christmas but when Christmas is over, it means my holidays will be over too. Then it'll be back to the mad rush of school bells. I had better cherish my remaining holidays before it's over before I know it.

Oh, I forgot to mention that my flight to Tokyo was delayed. For 4 hours! Goodness gracious! And I thought this wouldn't happen to the our local flight. It's supposed to be the best isn't it? Sigh, nothing's perfect in this world. And I can't agree more when I was trying my best to remain jolly at the airport.

My trip to the airport

2008-11-25T22:53:00.010+08:00

Last weekend, we brought Raine to T3.
She enjoyed herself tremendously cos she gotta explore the place all by herself.

And this is what happened....

Ok ready? Is the camera on me? Ok ready. Good!

Ok let's play peek-a-boo!

Ok don't cheat! Don't look at me. Peek-a......

BOOO!!!!!

Not funny? Ok let me do the Donald Duck walk for you.

Still not funny?!?! You better laugh! Want me to box you right?

You come here!!! Gimme the camera!!! How dare you!

The trip ended amicably with Raine falling asleep on the way home.
No adults were hurt in the process.

Oh my butt!

2008-11-25T11:35:00.007+08:00

Alright, just a short one.

Look at me on my bumbo chair!

Does my bum look big in this?

Oops! I think I'm stuck!

Oh gosh!! Mummy help!!!

Heng ah! I will not sit in that silly chair again!

Walk Baby Walk

2008-10-21T22:24:00.007+08:00

My baby's walking confidently now.

Can almost imagine her saying, "Look Mum, no hands!"

Right now, Raine is sleeping soundly after exploring the house for the whole evening.

She's been babbling away as well, saying things like 'baba', 'dada', 'ya ya ba ba da da' and whatever combinations that you can form with all these syllabuses.

I wonder when will 'mama' occur....hmmm...

On top of all the walking and babbling, Raine's teething again.
Can see her two other toothies peeping out from her gums and she's been searching for her pacificier in the middle of the night.
I really can't wait for her to grow up!
I mean she's growing up but I mean really grow up.
I think I'll miss her baby days when she's really grown up but I can't wait to really have fun with her.

School's just school these few days.

O-levels has started and I'm passing all my luck to my 2 graduating classes.

Just keeping some for myself to make sure that no bird poo drops on me or me falling off the stairs.

Went invigilating today and I am really impressed by the manners displayed by the pupils of my invigilating school.

Manners abound and that's enough to impress me.

Pupils, you have to remember to thank your invigilators when they give out your writing papers to you.

It makes a whole lot of difference to the impression they will have of you.

Trust me.

Oh ya, to vegetarian tiger and carnivorous goat.

So happy to see the two of you talking again. =)

A little breather

2008-09-28T11:46:00.006+08:00

No, it's not a busy period for me.

Or rather, I'm getting a little break now that 2E5 and 3T1 are having their end of year examinations and the prelims are over for the sec 4s.

So it seems that my marking of the prelim exam papers are over.
The exam papers didn't smile at them AT ALL.
In fact, most of them deteriorated and they didn't seem at all worried.
Goodness gracious!

However, one of the classes improved and though they didn't improved by leaps and bounds but they did improve.

Like I told them in class, I told them that though I'm glad to see their improvements but it's not enough for me to feel secure that they can do well in their O-levels.
I don't expect them to do well for me.
I want them to do well for themselves.
But how else can I help them except to be there for them when they need that little helping hand.

It's strange to think how complex human relationships can be.

Last week, I celebrated my 5th year wedding anniversary with my hubby.
It's been 5 years.
Sometimes, when I think back of the times we spent together, I still find it amazing that we've spent 5 years together as husband and wife.
No doubt we've our shares of arguments and disagreements but on hindsight, it's always due to the way we show our concern for each other.
Probably, overly-concerned hinging on paranoia.

My hubby has been a great husband.
He's thoughtful in his own little ways and always put the family first before anything else.
He has his fair share of flaws and I'm sure I do as well.
However, he often turn a blind eye to my flaws and accept me for who I am.

We celebrated our anniversary in a simple way with dinner and drinks.
Simple and yet something that we both appreciate very much.
Eversince Raine is born, we seldom get a night out without her.
So even simple things like dinner and drinks seem extremely rare and special.

Today, I'm blessed with my family, my friends and a healthy body.

Raine is growing up day by day and I'm etching her growing up process deeply in my heart.
She's learning fast and her latest craze is to roar at others.
Her confidence to take her baby steps is growing and I'm still waiting for the day where she can confidently stand up and take her first few steps into her toddler year.
She's now a mischievous little imp and her funny antics never fail to brighten up my days.
I can't wait for her to grow up and call me 'mummy'.
Now she's just blabbering away with words that just doesn't make sense.
But I'm starting to realise that they're now of different intonations and pitches.

Her hair is a constant worry of mine.
Brought her to the hairdresser finally few weeks back and it was a disaster.
She started crying the moment the hairdresser laid the scissors on her hair.
She didn't stop till the hairdresser was done.
By the time the hairdresser was done, her face was covered with a mixture of hair and tears.
That was indeed a very teary hairy situation.
Gotta coax her with her favourite ride on Barney before she put the whole hair cutting episode behind and started smiling again.
So how did the haircut look?
Well, nothing much changed except that her fringe is now shorter.
Wasted $20! What's worse was the hairdresser.
She looked like a total ah lian and stunk of ciggies.
Sigh!
I swear I'm never going back there ever again!

I'm still deciding what kinda celebration I should have for Raine.
It's afterall her first birthday party!
But I figured she's too young to enjoy anything and the only people that'll appreciate the whole celebration will be the adults.
How?
This is such a tough decision.

Long Overdue

2008-09-10T22:22:00.005+08:00

So....it's been a while huh.

Haha!

Exam papers setting was waaay too long ago.

Holidays came and left.

Week 1 is halfway through and I still feel a bit dazed.

And what have I been up to?!

Seriously, I was busy.

Ya ya, everyone's busy!

"But I can blog when I'm busy and you cannot."

AH HA! I know that's what you're thinking!

However, that's where you are wrong!

I'm busily being busy so you can't blame me.

Let's see.

Before the holidays, I had to prepare for the Teachers' Day concert.

Intensive preparations ok!

But I was glad that it all turned out well and I have everyone to thank for.

And after concert was over, being sooooo soooo popular, I had to say hi to many many pupils.

4E1 2006, I am very glad to still see so many of you.

It's been 2 years and trust me, you guys still hold a special place in my very big heart.

I know I mentioned that I'll blog about you guys, I will, I will.

Later la ok? I have to do alot of updates you know.

Ok back to what I was typing.

So after saying hi to many many pupils, I had to rush off for my Teachers' Day lunch.

Alright, maybe saying hi to many many pupils was a bit of an overstatement.

Cos most of them were actually rushing off to go home and I was rushing back to the staff room.

They were in my way and so I kept saying hi to shoo them away from my path.

Then the holidays came!

Yooohooo!

The whole holiday was spent with my little princess.

Had to take care of her for the whole week as nanny was away on a holiday.

I enjoyed myself tremendously as I really get to see her every of my waking moment.

(She appears in my dreams sometimes as well, so it's not only every waking moment.)

I'm really proud of the progress that princess has made so far.

She's now starting to develop her own character and has started throwing her princess tantrums.

She's learning to understand simple instructions like, 'come here', 'clap hands', 'bye bye' and so on accompanied with actions.

I always love to sing 'When you're happy' cos she'll always get so excited and clap along when I sing that tune.

She's also starting to learn to walk.

Though she can always walk successfully without support on the bed, she's still not confident enough to do so when I put her on the floor.
She'll eventually end up crawling.

But she loves it when we hold her hands while she waddle her little diapered butt around.

Physically, she now has a total of 4 pearlies!

Well done!

And she loves biting my finger with them.

Trust me, it hurts.

So you see, sacrifices of a mummy.

Her hair is still standing even though most of them are starting to fall back into place.

Been wanting to bring her for a haircut but I just keep telling myself to wait till all her hair looks normal before I do that.

Haha!

But I wonder when will that be.

Each time I look at my little princess, I think to myself that my little princess actually doesn't really look like a little princess.

She's more like a little prince actually.

But I'm very sure with all the pink clothes that she have, she'll have no problem transforming into a princess soon.

I love spending my time with her.

Watching her grow gives me immense satisfaction.

I always like going through her photos when she was just born and compare her to now.

She's grown so much!

No wonder others always says that baby's first year is always a year of transformations.

I'm now planning her 1 year old party.

She's gonna be one!

Oh gosh, how time flies.

By then, another batch of secondary 4s will be graduating.

Mr Exam Paper, did you smile at them?

They probably didn't think your smile was wide enough.

Cos I'm definitely not smiling when I was marking their papers.

Disappointment yet again.

Oh well, like how they always love to say.

I love you Raine Raine.

I don't feel like going on anymore.

It's gonna be 11pm and it's bed time.

My dark circles are getting darker and I think I'm looking more and more like the Olympics mascots.

My eyebags are bigger than the trash bag.

Oh and trash bags are black.

Gosh, I think my eyes are looking like trash bags.

By the way, I posted a challenge to 2E5.

Told them that I wanted them to be the model class.

I'll find out tomorrow.

I couldn't help laughing when I told them this just now.

And worst, they laughed along with me.

Sigh.

Oh well....

I'm so done!

2008-08-05T20:26:00.002+08:00

*PHEW!*

Dear Exam Paper,

Thanks to you that.....

I've suffered sleepless nights.
because of all these sleepless nights, I had low immunity.
because of my low immunity I fell sick.
because I fell sick, I took my first MC for the year.
because of this first MC of the year, I can't get my $10 NTUC voucher.
because I can't get this $10 NTUC voucher, I have less $10 to spend.
because I have less $10 to spend.....

*ponders*

Ok, I can't think of a consequence cos I have less $10 to spend.

Anyway, thanks to you Mr Exam Paper that I have less $10 to spend.

So Mr Exam Paper, to justify the time that I spent on you, please make sure that my students can do well for this prelims.

Smile to them when they see you so that they can feel more confident.

Pass them some wisdom so that they can remember what I've taught in class.
Well, of course that is subjected to whether they've learnt what I taught in class.
Then again, that is subjected to whether they were listening in the first place.
And that is on the condition that they decide to turn up for class on that day.

Sigh.

Many say that the job of a teacher is really difficult cos you need to multi-task.
I think that's really an understatement.
Cos at times I feel that I just don't know what I'm doing at work.

Just when I finished typing the sentence above, Raine started crying.
I think she misses me.
She misses me so much that she woke up from her sleep just to let me know that she misses me.
Once again, I've you to thank.
Because of you, I didn't really get to spend time with my baby for the past few days.
And I'm worried that she'll think that I don't love her anymore.
That can result in her having a traumatised childhood and end up having an emotional scar.
She'll then grow up to be a delinquent and hate me for the rest of her life.

Oh Exam Paper, please recognise my sacrifices and efforts.
Smile to them.
Make me happy.

Yours sincerely,
Me

DEADlines

2008-07-31T09:49:00.005+08:00

I'm feeling really stressed.

Deadlines looming and markings still piling up.

Weather is horrible and adding to my frustrations.

Classroom is dirty and badly littered.

Students are still as annoying.

O-levels is coming and yet I feel more anxious than my students.

Why aren't we entitled proper lunch time?!?!

Why can't money drop down from the sky?!?!

Why don't you do my work for me......

*collapses into a pile and dies*

My weary bones

2008-07-27T22:04:00.002+08:00

Yet another weekend passed in a blink of an eye.

Nothing very much accomplished.
In fact, nothing is accomplished.

This seems to happen every weekend.
Every Friday, I make a silent resolution that this weekend is going to be different.
I will finish everything that I've brought back home but I just end up bringing them back to school on Monday, untouched.

So I console myself with the fact that every weekend, I get to spend an enormous amount of time with Raine and my baby is more important than everything else.

And that's a fact.

Oh well, work can never be finished but Raine will only grow up once.

However, I must say that I had a good week.

Last Friday was our annual school Road Relay.
I think I was the happiest teacher around on that day.
I like to think that I am the happiest teacher around on that day.
I don't care!

Anyway, reason for my happiness was that my students really did me very proud.
Both my athletics kids and class pupils came in first and second respectively for both the girls and the boys race.
I am sooo tremendously proud of them and you can't imagine the pride I felt when I see them racing towards the finishing line.

I was filled with emotions seeing them race.
Mainly cos I see another side of them that I had never seen before.
The sheer determination in their eyes when they race and the triumphant that they have when the win.
They suddenly became so grown up and are like the students I've always wanted them to be.
To do the best in whatever they do.
They did just that on that day.

This is especially so for J Khoh who always tells me that he's such a slacker and can not do well in things.
He's so different while he was racing.
He's so filled with purpose and I can really sense the fighting spirit in him.
J Khoh, stop thinking of yourself that way.
You can achieve what you want if you put your will to it.

Apart from J, I saw another side of CL too.
Not that I'm purposely trying to mention the golden couple.
CL became really serious on that day.
She seemed so grown up.
Not the usual CL-who-speaks-without-using-her-brains-first.
I'm so proud of her.
CL, you know what's your weakness.
Be more aware of your speech. You can also do it.

Having mentioned the two of them doesn't mean that the rest of you are not special.
Every single one of you made me what I am today too.
Teachers need motivation and encouragement from students too.

A special shout out to the Athletics team.
We have came a long way from the days when you guys ran around the school aimlessly.
In the past, others used to comment that the athletes are no good cos we can't even win at running events.
Today, you have proved them wrong.
You have shown the rest of the school that training hard produces results.
And you can tell everyone proudly that you are from the Athletics team.
Just like what Jo shouted, 'Join Athletics and you can become champion!'.
D has done us proud with his recent win at the Nationals.
The rest of you have done us proud at the road relay and sports day.
All of you are champions!
Thank you for all the good times and the glory.
I am really very proud of you.

2E5, you have proven others wrong too.
You are indeed the best class.
But please, I need you guys to pull up your socks for studies.
I've told pupils from the other classes that we didn't do well during mid-year cos we wanted to shock the rest of them for end-of-year examination.
Don't make me lose face!

So that's Friday.
Exhausting but definitely happy.

Everytime I have a bad day in school, I always rely on happy moments like these.
And that's the reason why I only blog about happy things.

Sunday, that's this morning was spent at Fort Canning.
Brought the prefects for a walk for a charity event.
Most of them turned up bright and early in their pink flamingo t-shirts.
Others overslept and gave irresponsible excuses for not turning up.

Was rather disappointed with a couple of them.
Reasons like 'I want to go out?'
I'm having second thoughts about keeping such people in the board.
I really can't depend on them.

Though it was a rather easy CIP to perform, I'm still glad to see most of them.
Throughout the walk, they chit chatted leisurely and I hope some form of bonding has taken place.
I came to know more about some pupils as well and times like this can not achieved in school.
I'm glad I went too.
Although we didn't really get to see the children, I hope they are happy that we turned up for them still.

After the walk, I managed to spend some time with JP and V.
Realised that V is really sporting and JP can be a real gentleman.
We talked about their future among others and discussing about their next milestone in their education made me realise that they'll be leaving the school soon.
A bad thing about teaching graduating classes is the fact your students leave you after their 'O' levels.
It gets very difficult when you've formed a certain bond with them and you get so used to having them around.
So, I especially cherish my times with them.
After meeting hubby and baby, they left.
That's when I realised that they actually hung around to keep me company.
Thanks JP and V.

Shopped around the supermarket and went for lunch after that.
Reached home around noon and that's when I feel that my lethargy has gotten the better of me.
Took my shower and just laid on the bed while having Raine next to me.
Raine didn't seem sleepy at all while poor Mummy just wanted her to sleep.
So my dear hubby thought that his poor wife can't take it anymore and decided to bring Raine down to my mother-in-law.
That's when I went dead and slept for a good 3 hours.
My hubby can be considerate like that. =)

That's my weekend.
Mundane you say.
But I always enjoy my simple weekend.

Double Happiness

2008-07-09T11:15:00.003+08:00

Yesterday two births were announced.

Congratulations to my sister-in-law for being a mother a second time round.
Baby arrived shortly after she was admitted into the hospital.
He looks exactly like his elder brother except chubbier.

Congratulations to my dear friend Nan as well.
Welcome to the madness of motherhood, where days become nights and nights are crazy.

I can't imagine myself going through labour again.
Imagine the epidural, the contractions, the pushing and bare nakedness.
Aiyo!!!
*Shudders at that thought*

And the delivery is just the beginning.
Following that is the crying, poo-ing and waking up every 3 hourly.

Gosh....Motherhood.....

Neverthless, still CONGRATULATIONS on the arrival of your bundles of joy.

Happily Tired

2008-07-06T20:31:00.006+08:00

Term 3 started off leaving me feeling very exhausted.
It's only week 2 but I feel as though it's almost the end of the term.
Thank God for Youth Day that I managed to get a day off tomorrow.

I think it's probably due to the fact that supplementaries are really intensive and also the camp in week 1.

The camp in week 1 left me feeling very nostalgic.
Jalan Bahtera was where I used to have my school camps in secondary school.
My secondary school organised lots of leadership training camps and I was very active in those camps back then.
At that time, the camp site wasn't like what it is now.
We used to have to pitch our own tents and the toilets were really filthy.
Mosquitoes were abundant and I always go home with lots of bites.
I even had to have my finger injected because my finger swelled up due to the mosquito bites.
But I had good times there.
I used to love the night time when I can look up to the sky where I can see stars and smell the grass.

As I see my pupils engaged in their activites, it reminded me of myself when I was doing those activities myself.
I recall the fear that I felt each time I try a new high element course.
Hence, I know exactly what my pupils felt when they tell me that they are scared.
However, I feel very proud of one particular pupil of mine.
Let's just call him S.
We were at the abseiling station and S was adamant that he didn't wanna attempt it.
So after much persuasion, he told me that he'll go for it with a smile.
However when it was his turn, he didn't dare to come down.
He started crying and that's when I thought he's really brave.
I asked myself if I were in his shoes, will I dare to cry and let the whole world know that I'm scared.
And the answer is 'no'.

How many of you reading this actually dare to put your pride aside and admit that you're scared?
That's why I feel that S is really brave cos even though he was crying, he attempted to abseil down a few times.
Another pupil made a remark saying that if S is considered brave then she is also brave.
Afterall, she didn't only go up to the top of the abseiling tower but she made it down as well.
But do remember, everyone has a different limit.
To someone who has no vertigo, doing a bungee jump is a piece of cake.
But to another person, it takes a whole lot of courage to do the same thing.
To S, going up to the top and attempting to abseil is already his limit.

S, I'm really proud of you.

I slept through both days during the weekend after the camp.
Didn't really recuperate well as I still have little baby Raine to look after.
Hubby was really considerate as well.
He took over the task of looking after Raine most of the time and asked me to just sleep while he spends time with her.
But I'm still tired.

So week 2 came and left.
Supplementaries everyday is really no joke.
I am tired. Students are tired.
Count the number of 'tired' in this post and you'll know how tired I am.
Gosh!

And you might ask then why is the title of the post 'Happily Tired'.

Cos I'm really happy even though I'm tired.

I once told a fellow colleague that teaching is not an easy job.
It takes a whole lot of energy and passion and sometimes, the rewards are not seen immediately.
So in order to keep me going, I relish on the happy memories that I've collected in my 5 years of teaching.
Last week, I had more of such memories to add on to the collection.

On one of the draggy afternoon, I was informed by the office clerk that an ex pupil sent me a postcard.
I looked into my pigeon hole and found a postcard of scotland lying in it.
I knew instinctively who it is from.
I read it and the content warmed my heart.
I love receiving hand written letters.
Though it's not a letter but I guess a postcard gives the same effect.
You know you've been missed and remembered.
You also know that at some point in time, you made a difference to this pupil's education in secondary school.
It brightened up my day and gave me more meaning to my job.

The second chapter of 'Chicken soup for my own soul' happened the following morning.
The day started off innocently with a series of math lessons.
Just as I was going to get some markers from my markers container, I saw a note there.
It was written from some pupils from my form class last year.
They wrote about how they missed being in my homeroom cos it brought them back some sweet memories.
Like I said, I really love handwritten messages.
So I smiled to myself like a silly goon and felt very contented for that day.

I think I've wrote about how blessed I feel most of the time.
But this is my blog so it doesn't hurt if I am to repeat it.

To start off, I've a wonderful family.
Caring parents, my-always-makes-me-laugh sister, loving hubby, ever adorable daughter and considerate, understanding in-laws.
I've a job that I feel happy in.
Note that I'm just happy in it cos I still think that the pay is too low and the workload is too heavy.
It'll be good if they can find a balance somewhere and I think that'll make me feel excited to be in this job. Hee!
I've good colleagues that I can complain to and laugh with.
I've friends who I can count on when I need help.
I must admit that I'm a very lousy friend cos I'm hopeless with meet ups.
That is why I think I'm doubly lucky to have friends like them.
I've good students who makes me feel that teaching them is not a waste of time.

So you see, what more can I ask for?

Actually, there is.
A round trip of Europe will be good.
One year bonus sounds cool as well.
What else....hmmm....a big bungalow complete with many maids and chauffeur?
Haha!

Guess all these are just wishful thinking.
Contentment is bliss.

Updates about baby Raine.
Her first pearly is finally appearing.
The lower front teeth is surfacing from her gum.
There's still no sign of her other teeth though.

She's still as cheeky as ever.
I have to add that I really love it when she snuggles up to me in the morning when she's lying next to me.
I love those moments.
I'm not too good in expressing how I feel about it but if you close your eyes and imagine it, I think you'll know what I mean.

This Sunday feels different.
No work tomorrow!
Triple Hip Hip Hooray!

Updating in progress

2008-06-23T20:30:00.011+08:00

Hey my lovelies!

It's been way toooo long. How time flies when you're having fun!
The holiday is over and let me see.....my last post, I was still marking exam papers.
I reckon most of my loyal fans would have already forgotten their terrible results?!
Haha! Just kidding. I sincerely hope you guys learnt something from your results.

Lesson learnt: Study for exams.

Simple but difficult to follow I guess.

Right, so this thought 'I should update my blog' runs through my mind many many times from then till now.
But it seems like procastination got the better of me.
Tomorrow just never seemed to happen.
Until yesterday.
Told myself I've to blog tomorrow.
And today I'm doing it!

*Three cheers and three cheers and three cheers for Queenie!!!*

To be honest, I really wanted to blog about many things.
I wanted to blog about all the examination results, my friends, my holidays, my thoughts, my family and many others.
But somehow, sitting in front of the computer just makes me forget it all.
Maybe it's the radiation.

But I think the real reason is just that I'm way too lazy to switch on the computer to blog about all my thoughts.
So day after day, I keep it inside me and then forget about it.
If it's happy thoughts, I'll think about it, keep it with me and smile to myself when I think back about it.
If it's sad thoughts, I'll think about it and try to forget it.
Generally I try not to think too much about it and believe that things will somehow work out by itself.

So this holiday wasn't much of a holiday.
First 2 weeks were spent in school having lessons still.
It's just so unfair that the press writes bout how pupils don't get to enjoy their holidays and have to go back to school for lessons.
On the other hand, what about teachers?
We go back to teach them as well.
Shouldn't we get some appreciation?
Anyway, that's another story.

Managed to bring Raine to Sentosa for a short getaway.
Wasn't very exciting as we couldn't really bring her to many of the places as it was too warm and sunny out there.
So most of the time was spent in the mall and we did get to bring her swimming though.
This is the first time we brought her swimming and didn't really know how she'll take to it.
We made sure that we had all her gear ready.
Bought along her swimming float, swimming costume, swim diapers, bath robe and towel.
Initially when we put her down into the water, she was a bit apprehensive and I guess the water was a little cold.
But after a while, she seemed to enjoy herself and started splashing and kicking away.
It was real blissful to see her enjoy herself.
But of course, tiny little she didn't play too long in the water as her face turned blue when the wind started to blow.
Whipped her out of the water and rushed straight to the hotel room.
Showered her, dried her and boy was she tired!
That night she slept really well and I think she's really bushed after the swim.

So that was her first swimming experience.

She didn't look too pleased being photographed in her swimming costume.

Seeing my little baby grow is one of the happiest thing that can ever happen to me.
Going through her many firsts with her.

Now she's able to do baby talk and crawl.

Just a week back or so, she attempted to walk without support.

I'm glad that I was there to see her through the different milestones.

Her hair is growing but unfortunately, they're growing upwards.
She looks kinda weird with all her hair standing up.
Think she's cut out for one hair product commercial which goes 'If you're happy and you know it clap your hair'.

Look at her hair. She loves her biscuit.

Was blogging halfway when Raine started crying.
So I've decided to stop and continue another day.

Haha! So that's the life of a mother.
Your time is really being manipulated by this little person whom you call your child.
I do miss those times when my time was just mine.
I miss late night outs.
I miss crazy times spent with my family.
I miss meeting up with my friends.
I miss so many many things among others.
But I feel that those are things that can always be made up.
Seeing your child grow is something that can never be replayed.

Do I still miss those times?
Honestly, I do.
But I think I'll be less selfish and share my time with my baby instead.

Okie Dokie, till the next 'tomorrow'.
Enjoy term 3.

Ok, I was just trying to console myself.
I'll enjoy term 3.
Haha!

My distraction

2008-05-08T14:36:00.012+08:00

Marking exam papers can be so daunting!

Especially when the results aren't very good....

Sigh SIgh SIGh SIGH!!!!

So I ended up on MSN talking to my cousin.

This is her display pic.

So I asked her, 'What's that ugly thing on your display pic?'

She replied, 'It's me la!'

I was unconvinced and replied, 'are you sure? It's so ugly!'

The reason why I replied that way was cos my cousin is a beauty!

So how can that ugly thing be her right?

Haha! I'm praising you dear.

So she told me that it's indeed her upside down.

I replied her, 'But your eyebrows are still above your eyes.'

'That's my eyebags!' came the replied.

OOPS!

I was determined to find out the truth.

I tried looking upside down while facing the laptop.

But I just look ridiculous.

So I downloaded her display pic and rotated it.

It's indeed her!

Note: I've been trying to upload her pic for a few million times but Blogger just would't cooperate.

So I give up!

If you are bored just like me, copy the pic and rotate it yourself.

She's actually very happy in the picture!

Girl, you're famous!

Many of my ardent fans are going to have your pic in their pc.

Waaaaaaaaay to go!

p.s.

Can't believe my baby cousin is now a ravishing beauty.

Somethings just run in the family! Haha! Get it get it?

I used to bully her when she's at my place.

My mum's her nanny.

But of cos, being the nice cousin that I am, she realised that it's all a facade.

I was just mean to her cos I wanted to show her my luuuurve. ;P

My form class

2008-05-05T13:56:00.002+08:00

Dear 2E5,

I know I promised some of you that I'll blog about the class over the weekend.
But I didn't.
Now on hindsight, I should have done that over the weekend.

Came to school today eager to find out how you guys fared.
Although I somehow knew what the outcome was going to be.
But it was worse than I thought.

Disappointed.

Maybe J Khoh is right, the problem must be with the teacher then.

My Rainey Day

2008-04-26T23:05:00.004+08:00

First off, pupils who are reading this, I hope you've done your bit of studying.
Secondly, I'm so glad that they've having their exams on Monday cos I can finally take a short break before the examination papers come in.
That's when I just feel like killing them and my blood pressure will shoot up tremendously.
But I shall just enjoy my weekend before that happens.

So today Raine took her dunno-number-what vaccination.
Poor girl has been taking a jab almost every month since she was born.
Not to mention the first few jabs that she took when she was still in the hospital.
And the needle pricks that she had to undergo to draw her blood to test her jaundice level when she was barely a few days old.

When the doctor asked me which jab was she taking.
I replied, 'I lost count'.
Sad but true.
Then when I enquired bout her flu jab, the doctor advised me not to let her take it cos she's still got lots of jabs ahead of her.
I decided not to let her take it.

But my poor baby is a strong girl.
She gave out a short cry and ended with a little whimper and continued her day.
The doctor checked on her well-being and everything is fine and dandy.
And having her being healthy is of my utmost concern.
Nothing else really matters.

When we reached home, we decided to let her try spoon-feeding again.
The last time I tried, it was unsuccessful cos she kept spitting out her food.
Today, I was determined to let her try again to let her get used to eating from a spoon.
So I prepared the brown rice powder that I bought and started feeding her.
Initially she was quite resistant but by and by she seemsed to be getting the hang of it and started opening up her mouth for more food.
It was a thrilling moment.
My baby girl's grown up!!

Nothing satisfies a parent more than seeing her baby grow up and reaching the next milestone of her development.

I really feel very contented with my current life.

I've everything that I want and everyone who is dear to me.
Hmm....maybe not everything cos I want lots and lots of money.
But that's besides the point.
Haha!

Seriously, I really feel contented.
And that is the greatest happiness.

Walk Raine Walk

2008-04-16T22:07:00.006+08:00

Raine has successfully learnt how to turn over to one side and now she loves sleeping facing down. I love it even more when she falls asleep while I cuddle her.

Raine has learnt how to walk. On the walker. Just last week, she was walking backwards all the time and this week, she has learnt how to move forward. It's amazing to see your baby learn new things every week. It's difficult to explain how it feels but you just feel contented and happy.

I've introduced rice cereal to her but she's still not quite ready for apple puree. She spits them out as soon as the puree reaches her mouth. I'll try again this weekend. I refuse to let anyone else try doing that first cos I want to be the first one to introduce new things to her. I'm selfish like that. But I'm her mummy. Having her inside me for 8 months automatically grants me that privilege.

I love coming home everyday to see her grinning widely at me. I love it even more when she laughs. Her laughter is so contagious that you just laugh along with her. She can keep laughing over the same joke. And sometimes, you just need to repeat the same sentence that makes her laugh.

See how she laughs over the sentence "wake up already ah...."

Ahhhh bliss........and definitely happy contentment.

Sniff Sniff Cough Cough

2008-03-31T20:36:00.002+08:00

After the runaway adventure on Saturday, Raine fell sick.

She woke up on Sunday morning with cough and a drippy nose.
Goodness gracious!
Luckily, she's still a bundle of energy and can play and laugh.

However, the thought of it developing into something more serious was worrying.
So we brought her to the GP at TMC.
Raine was a curious little girl and kept playing with the stethoscope while the doctor was trying to examine her.
She pulled and tugged at the instrument while waiting for some reaction from the doctor.
Luckily the doctor was pretty patient and even attempted to play with her.
Attempted cos I didn't think he was being very entertaining. Haha!

Last night, her cough developed into something more serious.
At one point, she almost coughed till she ran out of breath.
My heart nearly leapt out from my mouth.
So I told myself that I better bring her to the paediatrician today.
Took leave today so that at 9am sharp, I waited outside the clinic's door queuing to see the doctor.
I thought I'll be number one but someone else beat me to it!
Shucks! Hee! Singaporeans must be number one in everything!

After the visit to the paediatrician, we still can't go home.
That's cos the banging and drilling outside my unit is still going on.
So we had to bring Raine to her caretaker's place to spend the day there.
A good thing is that after all the medication, her nose stopped dripping and her cough has somewhat subsided.

Stole some time to return back to school to settle some matters.
Finally felt more relieved that everything is more or less settled.

Tomorrow, I've to be back in school.
I'm having Tuesday blues.

I hate stupid people

2008-03-29T23:43:00.003+08:00

Today has been a really looong day for me cos I've been out the whole day since about 11am this morning.
All due to some construction, right outside my door!
The noise is just irritating every single cell in my body and not to mention that it's potentially harmful to the hearing of my little girl.
So we packed our evacuation bag and left home to Botanic Gardens. Again. Hee!

Right after we reached Botanic Gardens, I felt that it was a wrong choice cos it was almost noon and the sun was blazing hot.
Of course, I didn't air that view cos I was the one who suggested that we go ahead with the plan of visiting Botanic Gardens.
So it wasn't long before I decided that we should leave the place and head for greener pastures. Or rather, colder pastures.
Where else to enjoy free air-con but the shopping malls? Haha!
So aunty you say! But don't you do it as well? It's just that I dare to admit it but you don't! Loser. :p

Another reason why we needed to reach the shopping mall soon was cos Raine has pooped and soiled her little panty!
Talking about panties, did I mention that Raine is totally unsuitable to wear dresses?
While we were strolling her around Botanic Gardens, her legs were propped up in the pram and she was constantly tugging and pulling on her dress.
And she looks totally comfortable while doing that.
I think she enjoys it. Sigh!

Anyway, the whole day was spent in town after we cleaned her up.
She didn't really sleep a lot today cos she was so busy being fascinated by all the sights around her.
And she only managed to fall asleep for about half an hour or so.
The only form of shopping that I managed to do today was to stock up on my beauty products.

I think I seriously need them cos my dark circles are spreading just like ripples in the water and they're as dark as the night sky!
My skin has been really bad eversince I was pregnant.
And I thought it'll get better after giving birth to Raine but it didn't.
My life is sooooooo sad!

Needless to say, the lack of sleep equates to a cranky Raine.
During dinner today, she was totally frustrated and fussy.
My heart bleeds just seeing her that way.
Just don't feel like elaborating further what else happened during dinner.
I hate blogging about unpleasant stuff.

Upon reaching home, it was like a rush against time.
I plonked her into her bath tub, rinsed her and then fed her.
She didn't finish her feed cos she was just too sleepy to continue drinking.
Poor baby! She was crying till she almost went hoarse.
Luckily she fell asleep very soon and now, I'm just waiting to give her her last feed.

Why do people have no common sense sometimes?
I just don't understand.

Anyway, I'm posting again tonight cos I feel guilty for my million of fans out there who are checking out my blog everyday.
It sucks to read the same posts again and again right?
But seriously, it's not about the quantity but quality right?

Luckily, I have both lately. Hahahahha!

No longer - Just the Beginning

2008-03-28T15:37:00.007+08:00

Aren't you glad that you're not reading the same post again?

I've decided to post after the loooooooooong hiatus cos today isn't a really good day for me.
I think I've been too busy to stop and think about what I've been busy with for the past few months.
Yes, I hate being back at work now! Haha!
Sometimes, I just wish I can laze at home ,just like before ,reading my magazines on the bed while cuddling Raine to sleep.

I've been wanting to post for a long time but my will is just not strong enough for me to actually login and start posting.
So one night, as I was lying in bed tossing and turning, half asleep, I conceived the beginning of this blog entry.
I told myself that I'll explain why I've been missing in action for so long.
So you see, Eureka may be a genius to discover something while taking a bath, I think I'm equally a genius too, I can compose a blog entry half asleep. :p

So what have I really been busy with?

The obvious will be work. After going back to work, everyday is just like a mad rush.
I wake up, rush to get ready for work and then slog my life out for 12 hours and then rush home.
Take my shower, have my dinner, spend time with Raine and then finally pat Raine to sleep.
By the time I actually have some time for myself, it's bedtime.

Weekdays pass by really fast and weekends, even faster.
On weekends, I spend both my days with Raine. Doing what other Mothers do.
Feed her, play with her, pat her to sleep, etc etc.
I feel guilty at times for not spending enough time with her and so I try not to do any work over the weekend.
But it's really difficult.
Hard as I try to finish up my work in school, time is never on my side and I can never seem to finish the ever piling up stack of work.

Sometimes, I find that I can't breathe.

So much have happened and after so long, it became sweet memories.
Raine had her first Chinese New Year and we really dressed her up for the festive season.
Luckily she was quite cooperative most of the time and didn't give us much trouble as we go round visiting.
Except for the two times when she decided to poop at my relative's place and soil her clothes.

This is her in one of her Chinese New Year outfit.

As usual, we tried really hard to 'girlify' her. Hee!
But once in a while, we still have people asking us, 'Boy or girl?'
Seriously, after a while, we give up.
We just answer them nonchantly, 'girl' and thinking to ourselves, 'why would we want to dress a boy up in pink, Dumbo!'

We're bringing her out more often nowadays and one of the popular venue is to actually bring her to the Botanic Gardens.
My initial idea of Botanic Gardens is a boring garden with trees, trees and more trees.
But now, I'm pleasantly surprised that there're more to trees in Botanic Gardens.
There's even a children's playground there and once Raine is big enough to enjoy the playground, I'll definitely bring her there.

Raine gotta wear a cap cos we shaved her head.
We need to do something to make her hair grow!

Blogging about Raine definitely brightens up my day.
I'm just having so much fun spending time with her.
And she's my consolation whenever something bad happens at work.

Nowadays, Raine is learning how to turn over.
Many babies her age is already turning and yet, she's still struggling to turn.
She'll know how to flip her butt over and yet her head will still remain in the same position.
So after a while, she'll get tired and her butt will just flop back.
It's quite cute to see her that way actually. Haha!

I've planned to blog so much initially.
But now, I just can't seem to remember what else I wanted to blog about.
Sometimes, I think I'm falling into depression cos I can't seem to remember a lot of things lately.

Am I normal?
Or is it a sign of old age?

Maybe it's just that I'm having a bad day.

I don't want to blog anymore. The End.

Haha! Abrupt I know. But this is my blog! Sue Me! :p

Just the beginning

2008-02-03T22:04:00.000+08:00

I'm so done with the first week of being back at work.
Tomorrow is another Monday.
It's been a while since I experienced any Monday blues.

Been asked how's it like being back at work many times the last week.
Well, seriously I do enjoy the thrill of being busy.
Sadistic you might think but staying at home for an extended period of time makes me feel very bored.
Then again, it's just the first week of work so what I've written may not hold for long.
Check the next post and it might just be me grumbling away again. Hee!

Humans are complicated animals.

The one thing that I really miss is the amount of time that I get to spend with Raine.
I used to see her 24/7 and now I only get to see for about 2 to 3 hours before it's her bedtime.
I cherish weekends very much now cos that's the only time that I get to bathe her and spend large amount of time with her.
I miss seeing her toothless grins and naked body? Haha!

This weekend has been really fruitful as Raine gets her first trip to town.
We brought along both her pram and the baby carrier.
Honestly, we are really amateurs at bringing baby out as we fumble with the mechanics of the pram.
Even going up and down the escalator proves to be a challenge for us.
Seeing those parents handle their prams with ease while on the escalator makes us a little embarrassed about taking the escalator.
So we ended up carrying her most of the time with the pram being our shopping trolley. Haha!

It was my first time feeding Raine in public and thank goodness for the nursery room at one of the major shopping centres in town.
I'm seriously impressed by the thoughtfulness of the establishment.
There's a hot water dispenser, nursing room, lots of changing mats, baby powder, baby lotion and of course, a huge bin for soiled diapers.
However, it was quite an experience trying to throw diapers into that bin.
It's lethal and I believe standing next to it for about 5 minutes can kill! Haha!
I never realised that there're so many babies around town until I start feeding Raine in the nursery.
She's so distracted by the number of people walking in and out of the nurseries that it took a while for her to be settled down to drink.
Lucky for me that before feeding her I bought some tops cos after burping her, some milk regurgitated out and it totally soiled my top.

She's still not very used to being out and sleeping in the pram.
Each time she sleeps in the pram and wakes up, she cries.
I guess it's cos she's just not used to it.
Or maybe she's claustrophobic?
She also refuses to sit in the pram for long.
That also explains why we're carrying her most of the time.
Really need to train her otherwise, carrying her will be tough when she gets older.

Bringing her out makes me more aunty than ever cos I have to squat in the middle of busy Orchard Road trying to pacify her and not to mention the swaying to make her sleep.
It's impossible to remain glam when you bring a baby out. Haha!

Maybe I need to change my nick to 'Aunty' instead of 'Queenie'.
Cos Queens have maids while I'm the maid.

Motherhood, motherhood.

You know you're a mother when you...

1. become an aunty,
2. don't associate the word 'latch' with locks,
3. go grocery shopping and then start comparing diaper brands to see which is cheaper,
4. lug a big bag out complete with diapers, hot water, milk bottles, baby clothes etc etc when you go shopping,
5. know that 1 ounce is 30 milimetres, (at least for me)
6. readily put your nose to your baby's backside to smell if he/she has poo poo,
7. don't feel very embarrassed to be naked in front of a team of medical personnels,
8. start talking silly and tends to repeat every word twice, for eg 'milk milk', 'poo poo', 'mum mum' and so on, you get my point,
9. notice the number of babies around shopping centres and secretly compare them with your own baby,
10. no longer can remember how it feels like to sleep for more than 8 hours.

Yay!!!! This week is a short week.
3 working days!!!
I know this is kinda abrupt but I can't think of how to end this post otherwise.

And so the story goes......

2008-01-19T09:48:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, not too long ago, a Princess was born.
She was daughter to Queenie and ermm...Kingy? Haha!
She was tiny and wrinkly and didn't look very much like a girl.
Queenie consoled herself that all babies look the same and so her Princess was just like any other baby. Bloated.

Days go by and deep in the heart of Queenie, she had one concern.
'Princess still look very much like a boy.'
So attempts to make her look feminine included donning her in pink, pink and more pink!
Slowly but surely, she was more convinced that Princess is becoming more lady-like.

All was peaceful and tranquil until one night....Queenie attended a banquet.
Queenie's cousin was getting married.
She went alone as Kingy was out in the battlefield defending his kingdom.
Sitting next to Queenie was another cousin who she has not seen for eons.
Eager to introduce Princess to Cousin, she flashed photos of Princess to Cousin.
Cousin then went..'Oh baby boy ah! Very cute!'

Lightning flashed and thunder roared across the hall!

Queenie's face went blank and looked at Cousin.
She then calmly said, 'No, she's a girl'.

Look at her, does she really look like a boy?

Granted, she does look a bit stoned but she's still very feminine what.
It seems to me that I'm not the only one with this problem.
M seems to be having this problem of her daughter not looking very feminine either.
Sigh.

Put Princess next to a boy and see what happens...

See! She's shy! But poor Dylann looks a bit terrified! She's still a girl at heart. Haha!

Anyway, this is my another attempt of making her look more like Princess.

She doesn't look very pleased.

How?! You tell me how?!

To top off the misery, I'm going back to work in another week's time!!!!
No choice, the kingdom needs me.

Three blind mice.......see how they run

2008-01-03T11:58:00.001+08:00

The title is totally irrelevant.

Raine is 2 months old today!

I was arranging all her photos prior to posting and it just feels almost magical that a little foetus can grow into the little girl that she is today.

Sometimes, when I lay her on my tummy, I imagine her inside still.
What is her favourite position?
Does she cross her legs?
Are her arms by her side or tight against her chest?
I do miss the little wriggles and nudges but I still prefer her terrorising my days and nights.

She's now gotten into the habit of sticking out her tongue.

I certainly hope this is a passing phase.
I wish for her to be a princess and not a cheeky monkey!
I still want her to be the president's wife one day. Haha!

Before she was born, I imagine her demure like a princess.
She has to be smart and take her O-levels at 5.
She'll learn to be a real lady so that she can charm the socks off anyone.

Now, I'm still holding on to that hope except it's a little difficult.
.
.
.
.
She kicks off her blanket within 5 minutes of me tucking her into bed.

How to be demure?
I think it's possible. Look at that smile.
Isn't she demure? Haha!

Last day of 2007

2007-12-31T09:21:00.000+08:00

It's the last morning of 2007 and the noise from the renovations in my block is annoying me.

I meant to write this post feeling all nostalgic and warm but I just can't seem to get into the mood. Just like the typical movie scene, the breeze brushes lightly against you and then you look out of the window. You see the leaves from the nearby tree swaying and then flashback your life to the beginning of 2007.

The morning breeze is present, the trees are around, the leaves are swaying (Although I can't see them from my windows cos my flat is too high up, common sense tells me that the leaves are swaying. ) but the noise is still irritating! If only there is a mute button I can press. The renovations have been going on since the beginning of the month. I seriously wonder what kind of kingdom are they creating. When the renovations are done, I think my neighbour should just have an open house and invite all the neighbours to view their masterpiece. They are 3 floors above me and I can still hear them so clearly.

On top of irritating me, the noise is also affecting my little princess. Her naps are constantly interrupted by the noise and she's often startled by the sudden thuds. !#)($@*%&!

Alright, think I'll be nice on the last day of 2007. I can't stop them if they want to renovate their flat. Maybe I'm just jealous that they're the ones doing the renovations and not me. I'm just a poor teacher. (Don't tell me that you read in the newspapers that we're getting a pay raise so I can't say that I'm poor! We deserve it!!!! You don't know how hard we work. Teaching is a 24/7 job. You've to be in it to understand. If you think we're paid well, join us! The teaching profession needs YOU! =p)

So anyway, enough of the renovations. I've digressed from what I started this post for. I wanted to think back on my year and blog all about it. So here we go........ despite the noise!

On a more serious note, 2007 has been a really eventful year for me. It is indeed a life-changing year for me. Maybe I should start with the end of 2006.

At the end of 2006, after being married for 3 years, I decided that it's time for us to have a baby. So project B started and month after month, the pregnancy test kit just returned a negative sign. How disappointing! So from the more popular brand of pregnancy test kit, we started to be cheapos and buy cheaper test kits. These things are not cheap ok! On top of that, we even tried with the ovulation prediction kit. And all these are just the start of the cost of having a baby.

I wanted very badly to conceive so that baby will be born in September. Timing is everything. It's essential to my quest in prolonging my maternity leave. So after a few negatives, we decided to just go with the flow and let fate decide the length of my maternity leave.

My menstrual cycle has always been regularly irregular. So having it late by a few days or even weeks is no big deal. So on the 4th of April, the absence of my period is nothing for me to raise an eyebrow about. But hubby decided that maybe I should just check to make sure. So since cheapos like us are using cheap pregnancy test kit, I thought why not. Went into the bathroom, peed on the test kit and what I saw just set my heart thumping! It's positive! However, I was still rational enough to dry the kit and bring it out of the bathroom to show my hubby. Imagine a dripping wet pregnancy test kit! That's just disgusting right? Haha!

Now, that's the problem with using cheap test kits. You don't know how reliable they are. We then decided to seek a second opinion and went to the 24 hour clinic nearby. Did another test and indeed it's positive. You know how tv serials always have the doctor congratulating you and giving you the megawatt smile? It's all dramatized!!! The doctor that saw us just gave me a nonchalant look and said, it's positive and then looked at me with that 'ok-you-can-get-out-of-the-room' look. Idiot! I was too excited to notice it then. Haha! I was 6 weeks pregnant then. We counted back and realised that this could have been a birthday baby for hubby. Hee! *so shy*

So the pregnancy went on pretty smoothly. By and by I grew and ballooned into a mama penguin. Thank goodness that there wasn't much of a complications except for my swollen limbs and ugly stretchmarks.

Fat fingers

Fat feet

I've decided not to post my ugly stretchmarks. That's cos I feel embarrassed by them and also, this blog is PG and I won't want to put off my young loyal fans.

And so the buying spree began! First comes the baby clothes, then the cot, then the pram, the toys and all the what-nots which I realise are just a waste of money!

So the day of reckoning came when my gynae told me my EDD. Baby Raine is supposed to be delivered on the 25th of November. Flipped through my calender and realised that it's week 10 of term 4!!!! Oh man! What happened to my quest?! It had fallen flat on my face and now instead of prolonging my maternity leave, I have to take leave during the school holidays! So I quickly consoled myself that baby Raine is just being very responsible. She doesn't want mummy to leave any work undone. I just have to finish what I've begun. Sigh! In chinese it's just called 人算不如天算.

The year zipped past with me waddling around the school. The term ended and I was looking forward to my birthday. It's the last day of teaching and I'm kinda looking forward to go to school knowing that I've finished my school year. Shake legs ah!

In the morning, hubby decided that I should have a good breakfast and so ordered big breakfast for me. Took pictures of it with my birthday present from hubby. Feeling very happy, I skipped to school. Haha! No, I didn't actually skip! How to skip with that big ball of human in front of you? Hee! Told M to take pictures of my tummy for me and so was fooling around in the staff pantry. That's when I took my fat feet, fat fingers and ugly stretchmarked tummy. L was even complaining that I was biased cos I didn't let her take pictures of them when she offered. I can't really remember what I told her. Haha!

Went for lessons and my pupils were jokingly asking me to go give birth today so that baby can share the same birthday with me. Thinking that the EDD is still bout 3 weeks away, I told them that it's not up to me to decide. My colleagues were really sweet that day and bought me a birthday cake. I ate the birthday cake after lessons ended and waited for M before we headed to TMC to visit SL who had just given birth on the 1st of Nov.

Nothing unusual about the visit. Jokes went round about me being the next one that M and her hubby will be visiting. I even told baby that she'll be here very soon. So we left and I was offered a lift home. Thick skin me refused initially (typical asian. must say don't want first) but decided to take up the offer cos I hated taking public transport at that time. You know how Singaporeans fall asleep INSTANTLY upon seeing pregnant women? It works better than your sleeping pills!

While waiting for the valet to bring us the car, I felt quite uneasy. I felt discharge but decided that maybe it's just normal discharge, except that it's a little bit more. Didn't think too much about it and continued with the journey home. Upon reaching the void deck, that's when the drama began. Water started trickling down my pants. My first thoughts were, 'am I peeing in my pants?' What's even more embarrassing was that there was another couple sharing the same lift as me. Imagine yourself in the lift with an unknown type of water dripping down your pants, standing in front of a couple who might be staring at the floor. Aiyo! Utter embarrassment!

I got out of the lift without looking back. I entered the house and rushed to the bathroom. Checked the unknown type of water and realised that it's clear and transparent. Next thought, 'Is that the amniotic fluid? Don't know! I was never pregnant before!' Told myself to keep my cool and decided to take a shower first. Told my aunt-in-law that I'm going to give birth and asked her to get ready. Instructed her to fetch my hospital bag while I showered and get change. I even had time to call my mum, called up M to check that I didn't wet her car seat, called my hubby and then call for a cab. It's back to TMC again!

In the cab, aunt in law and I were talking bout whether it's a real labour and so on. This probably got the cab driver worried and he got pretty upset when we were caught in a bit of a jam. So I had to assure him that my contractions have not started so he can take it slow. That calmed him down a little. Haha! I should have just faked labour to make him kan cheong! Haha!

I was admitted at 4pm. That's when the whole labour started. If there's anything about labour that I hate, it's the fact that you really have not much of modesty left. You'll be just wearing a hospital gown with nothing else. Nurses and doctors come in and check you every few minutes and you just lie down on the bed to allow them to do whatever they want with you! At this point in time, if you feel uncomfortable about reading about the labour process, please stop. I'm not too good with words so I'm just going to be very graphic and straight forward about it. Haha!

So anyway, when I reached there, I changed into my hospital gown and then the nurses checked me. Told me that I'm already 3 cm dilated and that it is a real labour. I was adminstered a kind of medicine through the anus and had to go clear my bowels. Remembered what SL told me about seating at the toilet bowl to make sure I clear my bowels totally cos you may have to go twice. So I stayed around the bathroom and made sure that I showered and cleaned myself. Haha! Went back to my bed and waited for my hubby to arrive. I was then strapped up with a gadget to monitor my baby's heartbeat and put on a drip to induce contractions. My hubby came and I can't really tell from his expression how he's feeling.

Soon, the contractions started. It started pretty bearable with it being like menstrual cramps. Then it got worse with you feeling as if all your organs are being pulled together. It got to a point where I was pulling on to the edge of my pillow! So I told myself not to try to act smart and ask for the miracle drug, epidural. I signed a consent form. Can't really remember what it states. At that point in time, you will just agree with ANYTHING.

I was then pushed to the delivery ward and over there I was injected with epidural through my spine. I was breathing really heavily cos I was imagining the huge syringe with the needle. It was a scary thought! Yeeewww! As soon as the drug was administered, few minutes later, the contraction pain stopped. Then it's the long wait. The side effects of the drug then started and my teeth started chattering. My legs went numb and I had to ask hubby to help me massage them and shift them as they kept slipping off the bed. It was a horrible feeling! The wait seemed like eternity.

Nurses will then come in every half an hour to check on the diameter of your dilation. They use their fingers so you can imagine how they do the checking. So tell me about modesty. Around evening, I started to feel some kind of pain. Told the nurses about it and asked them whether it's normal. Their answers are pretty ambiguous and I started to wonder if the epidural is working after all. Finally one nurse came in and increased the dosage. It didn't help but made my teeth chatter even more. The pain got worse and I told the nurse to increase the dosage but she refused. I guess she didn't want my teeth to break from all that chattering. Haha! So no choice, I gotta bear with the pain.

At that time, I just wanted baby to come out quickly. Hours passed and the dilation was still 6 cm at around 11pm. There goes my wish of sharing birthday with baby. The pain increased and at past midnight, the nurse came in to do another check and said, 'ok, you're ready to push'. Suddenly, there was a flurry of activities in the delivery suite. The huge surgical lights came on and nurses walked in and out pushing an array of equipments. Mostly scary looking. My legs were then lifted onto the stirups and with legs wide open, the midwives came in and stared down south of me. She gave me instructions on how to push the baby out.

She said, 'Like pang sai like that. You push when you feel a contraction. Don't blow out any air. Remember, like pang sai'.

I nodded obediently and she told me to demonstrate once to her. I did and she shook her head. 'No, no! Like pang sai. You don't blow air out!' So I had to do it again once more for her. Once she feels that I've learnt the art of passing motion, she got into position and waited for me to nod. Once I nodded and said ok, she'll come and push my thighs apart and guided me along in the pushing.

After much pushing and grunting. At 1 + am, Raine was born! By that time, I was exhausted! I didn't even shed a single tear. Not cos I wasn't emotional but I was really too tired. My first question to the nurse wasn't about my baby. I asked her, 'Do you have water? I'm thirsty!'

What kind of mother am I? Haha!

After cleaning up the baby, I held baby Raine in my arms and that's when I felt like a real mummy. I looked at her and started thinking that she's so small. She's 3 weeks early and isn't as chubby as other newborns. She looked so vulnerable.

I was then wheeled into my ward when baby is then whisked off to the nursery. After feeling so overwhelmed with motherly love, hunger pangs hit me. Poor me, I asked the nurse for some food and she rejected my request. So no choice, I had to bear with the hunger and went to bed.

Stay at the hospital was great. Food was delicious and it felt very much like a chalet with room service. Haha!

Day 1 and 2 passed with visitors coming and going. Day 3 came and I was so looking forward to bringing baby home with me. Except that the bad news came! Baby has jaundice and can't go home yet. She has to stay till her jaundice level is down. Second bad news came that she failed her right ear hearing test! I cried. This can't be happening to her. She's still so young. So the nurse reassured me saying that it's normal for baby to develop jaundice. As for her hearing test, they'll repeat it. About an hour later, the nurse came back with her hearing test result. She passed. Can't really describe the relief I felt at that time.

So fast forward to 7th of November. Baby Raine came home and the endless cries and poo poos started.

Today, Raine is in her 9th week. She still throws tantrums once in a while but I feel more confident in taking care of her. Watching her grow has taken away all the pain that I went through during the labour process. No wonder my mummy always tells me that you won't think much of it after giving birth. I guess that's motherly love.

Well, apart from the birth of Raine. Nothing very much about me has changed. Oh, not to mention the physical changes that came along with it. This post is very long and right now, I'm too lazy to carry on reminiscing about the year. Afterall, the memories will stay and I'll post it next year.

Meanwhile, thanks for reading to the end. Have a wonderful 2008 ahead!

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY LOYAL FANS! Haha!

7 weeks old and counting

2007-12-20T10:06:00.000+08:00

I've been saying that I hardly find time to update this almost dead blog so today I decided to stop procastinating and just update.

Baby Raine is now 7 weeks old and she has really grown.

Last Saturday, we brought her for her first vaccination and my little strong baby girl gave a loud wail and stopped.

However, she came back and developed a fever that went up to a high of 38.1 deg celsius.

That was her first ever fever and that got everyone around really worried.

She was cranky, fussy and refused to be pacified no matter what.

She almost cried till her voice went hoarse. Poor thing.

How my heart ache to hear her cry. Now I finally know how mothers feel.

Blur me made things worse by giving her the wrong dosage of medicine.

I'm supposed to give her 1 ml of paracetomol and yet I ended up giving her 0.1 ml only!

Terrible mistake for a mother!

Luckily she got well in the end. *Phew*

She is now 4.2kg and has learnt how to make vowel sounds apart from crying.

She can also lift her head up to 90 degrees when facing down.

Seeing her grow day by day just makes me feel that all the lack of sleep is worthwhile after all.

Especially when she gives you a big smile and your heart just melts.

When I first started taking care of her, I really couldn't cope.

Everything that I thought was simple is not simple at all.

Even more so when she starts crying and I just can't figure out why she's crying.

I get frustrated and then at the end of the day, I start crying thinking to myself what a failure I am.

A good thing is that my husband is very supportive.

He's been encouraging me and giving me the support whenever he can.

He has learnt how to carry baby and rock her to sleep when I'm all exhausted.

Sometimes, he'll even volunteer to feed her.

Things are now getting back to routine and I have also gotten myself into the routine.

Though things may seem a bit haywire at times, I tell myself that if others can do it, I can too.

This thought kept me going and at the end of it all, I brace myself to take care of my little girl again.

She's only got one mummy and that's me.

Btw, we've bought her another toy.

The previous toys that we bought her are not that suitable for her yet.

So bought her this cute little rabbit toy that rattles when shaken.

Her daddy calls it the MAD RABBIT!
Why mad you ask, well......I'm not really too sure. Haha!
But mad rabbit always attacks little Raine and I guess that's why.
We're thinking of buying more toys for her later on.
Mummy and Daddy is going shopping and leaving little Raine with her grandmother and grandaunt.

I just can't wait for her to grow up!
Then I'll be able to doll her up in cute little dresses and bring her shopping.
Now she's just a bundle and still too young to bring out to the crowds.

Grow Raine Grow!

Zombified!

2007-12-05T10:24:00.000+08:00

I'm just too tired to post anything sane.

You know how much I love sleeping?
When I was still studying, I can sleep for 12 hours, wake up for lunch and continue sleeping throughout the afternoon.

Motherhood has totally changed my sleeping habit.

Oh wait, what sleep!?!

No wonder all mothers advised me to sleep as much as I can while I'm pregnant.
I TOTALLY understand that.
Now 1 hour of nap is like heaven's gift.
Anything less is just normal.
Oh man! Haha!

Am I complaining again?
Yes I am.

But her cherubic face just makes up for everything.
EXCEPT when she throws her tantrums.
Hee! Otherwise, she's still very much my princess.

Picture speaks a thousand words

2007-11-11T17:13:00.000+08:00

I'm just too lazy.....Mooooo! Haha!

With eyes wide open

Don't play play! What are you staring at?!

Ok I surrender! Milk please!

Yummy! Mummy's milk is the best. =)

Like what the Daddy says, I'm just putting words into her mouth.

All lines made up are purely fictional.

Till the next time I feel like posting, enjoy the adorable princess.

Sneak preview of the princess!

2007-11-05T19:39:00.000+08:00

She's here! Stories later.

Here's her biodata.

Name: Raine (Haven't decided on her chinese name yet)

Birthday: 3 Nov 2007

Weight at birth: 2.405 kg (She decided to arrive 3 weeks earlier!)

Length: 47 cm Here's a video of her when she's hungry. Haha!

Hormones insanity

2007-10-30T20:09:00.000+08:00

I'm writing two posts today cos after publishing the previous post, I visited a forum for mothers-to-be and remembered something that happened to me yesterday. I felt the need to post this so that I will remember it for years to come.

Yesterday, as I was checking out the same forum, I was reading the posts of all the other mothers-to-be. And after reading the posts of some of them whose babies have already arrived, I started to pat my own baby and started tearing for no rhyme and reason. I felt so emotional that my pregnancy is coming to an end and at the same time overjoyed for those mothers. Don't ask me why that happened but it just happened. Once again, I blame it on hormones.

At the same time, hubby has been lamenting on the fact that while other mothers-to-be are having the 'nesting instinct'. I seem to be totally lacking of it. The 'nesting instinct' refers to pregnant ladies who will develop the urge to clean up the house as the pregnancy advances to get the house ready for her baby. I guess I never liked doing housework. With or without pregnancy.

My home isn't that untidy anyway.

Facebook and what nots

2007-10-30T19:32:00.000+08:00

Hubby's been working late these few nights and so I've been spending my evenings watching TV. Today, I went onto facebook and ended up spending close to 2 hours on it! However, I managed to find a long lost friend and we ended up chatting over MSN. I missed her wedding 4 years ago and have felt rather guilty eversince. So today, I apologised to her once again and she didn't even hold it against me. I felt so relieved. :)

A friend of mine will be going into the hospital to have her baby induced tomorrow. I feel so excited for her and wonder constantly when is my baby girl ready to face the world.

I've been feeling so blessed throughout the whole pregnancy with so many loved ones around me. Friends and relatives have been making me feel so pampered and loved. I hope this happiness in me will spread to baby girl and she'll be a jovial and optimistic girl.

Just now I was just thinking about the benefits of being pregnant and I shall list them out now.

1. Your hair will not drop as much as before.

2. You are actually proud of your tummy.

3. A chance to get a whole new wardrobe. Maternity clothes can be really nice too!

4. Birdnest every week? Yippee!

5. Nightly foot massages from your other half.

6. Feeling the little moves and nudgings from inside your womb.

7. Knowing that you'll get to embrace a little baby in 40 weeks time.

8. Putting on weight seems more acceptable than before.

9. People around you treat you nicer. Not that they weren't nice before. Just nicer.

10. Most importantly, you have a reason to live a better life. :)

Of course, I'm just trying to see the brighter side of pregnancy today. I don't think I need to list out the cons of pregnancy. I've been practically complaining about them in every other post.

My fingers are going numb. AGAIN. And this is just one of the many irritating facts bout pregnancy. Haha!

Can't think of any

2007-10-28T15:43:00.000+08:00

Went to see the gynae on Friday. Reached there at 5pm and as usual took my weight and goodness gracious, my weight increased by 2kg over the last 2 weeks!! I thought I would have increased like at most 1kg? But no, it's 2kg! Sigh. If only I can lose weight as easily.

So anyway, took my weight and urine test and then sat down and waited for my turn. Then the very familiar line rang down the hallway:

"Dr Tan delivery!"

Not again! The last visit my gynae had to deliver a baby and it happened again this week. Well, can't complain cos one day, it could be me in the delivery suite while the millions of preggies are waiting for Dr Tan in her clinic. Luckily, hubby's aunt was with me and so I had her as company. Went to grab a bite while waiting for my hubby to arrive.

Upon returning back to the clinic, my turn came surprisingly early. Hubby wasn't there yet but I had no choice but to go in without hubby's company. This week, I had to check for any vaginal infection. It felt kinda uncomfortable and I can't imagine giving birth. Gosh! Then I asked the gynae whether there's any chance that baby will arrive earlier and she poked her finger into my vagina and then gave me a negative answer. I wondered what she's feeling for. At the same visit, the nurse also taught me how to do breast massage to stimulate the milk ducts so that I'll have breast milk when baby arrives. I felt seriously molested during that visit. Haha! But good thing is that baby princess is now 2.73kg and the gynae told me that if she grows at the same rate, she should be about 3kg when she arrives in this world.

Poor hubby totally missed the check up this week. He's supposed to finish work at 5.45pm and the delivery should have bought him some time. However, he took a wrong bus and gotta change another bus. What made things worse was that he's having a fever and he had to run all the way to the next bus stop to take another bus to the hospital. When he reached the clinic, he was panting and puffing away and he lamented that he didn't get to see his little girl this week. He was visibly upset and I felt a bit upset to see him so disappointed. His life revolves around baby now and he's always looking forward to the gynae visits.

After the check up, we went to the family clinic at the hospital to see the doctor about his fever. He's seriously ill with fever, flu, sore throat, respiratory tract infection and cough. Initially, we thought the fee wouldn't be very much higher than the normal GP. When we received the bill, we almost fainted. Ok, I almost fainted. Hubby is already fainting anyway. It came up to about $80. But seeing how much trouble it saved us and hubby's disappointment over not seeing baby, I felt it's alright. I just wanted to reach home earlier so that he can rest.

Hubby is still not very well and though his fever has subsided, his respiratory tract infection is still not very well. Gotta rest for a few more days but he can't take leave for the next few days. Poor thing.

Last night, I noticed a red spot in my discharge and I called up the hospital straight away. I didn't feel any pain or contractions and so I didn't admit myself into the hospital. We checked up the Internet regarding spotting during the third trimester and then we found out that it could be because of the vaginal examination the day before. So for the next few days, I just have to monitor and take note of any changes to my body. As long as baby is doing good. She's still very much active today and can even wake me up in the morning.

The subsequent check ups will be once a week. Will be able to see baby again next weekend. Hopefully hubby feels a bit more consoled by this fact. At least the wait isn't that long anymore. Who knows, baby may just decide to arrive earlier.

Name my baby

2007-10-25T20:56:00.000+08:00

Today baby princess has another new name. Haha!

My pupils have been helping me name the princess.
So far, they've been addressing her as, 'Esther', 'Kimberly', 'Jacinthe' and today a new one, 'Kimberloy'.

They can be really cute sometimes. After greeting me, some of them have cultivated the habit of greeting me followed by......'Good morning baby'.

Today is the 25th which means that exactly one month from now, baby's gonna be out.
So exciting huh! Tomorrow I'll be visiting the gynae.

To gynae.......to gynae....to see my princess....lalalala

Normalised

2007-10-21T22:12:00.000+08:00

Things are back to normal after the visit to the doctor. Now I'm just having my regular visit to the toilet once a day instead of the unusual three times a day. Will have to get calcium pills from the gynae this coming Friday when I visit her.

Weekend is over and tomorrow is Monday again.

Wanted to buy some stuff to spruce up the princess' room but ended up with nothing. Her daddy and I aren't very creative. We wanted to hand-make some items but after the visits to the stalls, none of the things seem to be able to be made into something nice or interesting. It actually boils down to our lack of creativity. We decided on buying something ready made. But none seems suitable still.

We ended up having chocolate fondue and smoothies instead.

We'll try again next week.

The song 'Leaving on a jet plane' keeps replaying itself in my head. That's cos I see my hospital bags each time I walk into the princess' room.

'My bags are packed and I'm ready to go....'

Read from a forum that some November mothers-to-be have already delivered their babies. I wonder when's mine coming. I can't wait to see her. The excitement is building up everyday and just feeling her legs through my stomach walls is enough to bring a smile to my face.

We've decided on the caterer for her full month celebration. We've also decided on the place and the menu. We've decided on where to order her cake and ang ku kuehs. Now we just need to wait for her to POP and all the party planning can materalise. I'm just so so excited!!!

MC today

2007-10-19T12:27:00.000+08:00

I've wronged my precious 'ps girl'. So all these while, it wasn't her fault that I've been having diarrhoea.

Didn't go to work today cos of my tummy. As usual, after breakfast, I needed to visit the washroom. However, what is unusual this morning is that the tummy still feels annoyingly weird. It's not wrenching pain but it's just a dull pain that just irritates you. I thought maybe I can still make it to school and so left home. After reaching my void deck and crossing the car park, the pain is still there and so I decided to do a U-turn and head for home instead.

Hubby was very worried and asked me if I was going to deliver the baby anytime soon. I told him no cos the pain isn't contraction pains. I reckon contraction pains will be more unbearable. It won't be as simple as an irritating sensation. He left work and said he'll take half day urgent leave to keep me company in the afternoon.

So anyway, I went to see the doctor and told the doctor that I was having diarrhoea for almost a week. He asked me why did I wait so long before seeing a doctor and I told him that I thought it was normal. Moreover, the frequency of me visiting the toilet isn't that high. It's just that today felt a bit abnormal that I decided to see him. He went through the routine questionings and can even joke with me saying that this must be my first pregnancy cos I can remember how many weeks old is baby. He told me that usually mummies going through second pregnancy won't remember how many weeks is the baby. I made a mental note at that point in time that I won't do that to baby #2. So unfair right? I'll try at least.

In the end, he told me that it's actually cos of the milk that I've been taking every morning. He explained to me that it's cos of some enzyme lining that needs to break down the milk and that this lining is broken and so that's what's causing the diarrhoea. For now, I just gotta stay off milk and any milk products.

Ok, so now 'ps girl' shall have her title revoked. She'll just be back to be called 'my little princess'. Or whatever names that I feel like calling her. Her daddy calls her 'cheeky monkey'. So endearing isn't it? Haha!

Unwind

2007-10-17T21:25:00.000+08:00

What do you do after a long day to relax yourself? I realise what is mine today. I'll stand in front of the mirror, flip my hair and look for white hairs. Then I'll pluck them out slowly until I find no more. But of course, each time I do that, there're always more to be found.

Maybe pulling out my white hair will cause damage to my hair roots. Maybe there'll be three more growing out after plucking one out. Maybe I'll become bald one day. But I love to pull out my grey strands. It's as if I'm removing all my worries and stress for the day.

Today I didn't really have a wonderful day. In fact, I left school feeling kinda guilty. I made J pissed off. I love all my colleagues in school. Really. Ok, at least most of them. They're more like my friends than colleagues. So what actually happened was my incessant teasing of J made her quite put off and then she decided to give me the silent treatment. That's when I realised I've carried the joke too far and decided to apologise. Just before I left school, I apologised to her again and though she said it was ok, I still felt bad.

That's when I thought about how I always scold my pupils for talking without using their brains. I think I'm guilty of that sometimes. I was reflecting on the day on my way back home and recalled an incident that happened two years back.

It happened between me and a pupil. Let's call him K. K is quite a notorious pupil in school but he's really quite a nice guy. That year that I was teaching his class, it was quite bad cos the class is not very interested in studies, what's more math. So teaching them can make you quite fed up sometimes. So one day, I can't really remember details but after some bantering about in class with K, I looked into his face and said, 'I hate the class because of you.'

K didn't take it as a joke and left the class immediately. Initially I thought he was just kidding but later I realised he's not cos he not only left class, he left the school compound. His classmates called him and he refused to say a single thing. That's when his friends came to me and say,'Cher, you know inside his bag only got your math ten-year-series you know. He doesn't even bring the rest of the books.' I felt immensely guilty and embarrassed by my own actions.

From that day onwards, I told myself to be kind to my pupils so that I won't hurt their feelings. K accepted my apologies eventually but he still brings this up as a joke at times. This teachers' day when he came back to visit me, he also brought it up. I guess sometimes the words a teacher says to his or her pupils really do have an impact on them.

Which reminds me of a short clip that I watched.

www.makeadifferencemovie.com

It is very inspiring and sometimes I think teachers need that little reminder to help us remember what brought us into teaching in the first place.

Humans always tend to take people that are dear to us for granted. You will never think about saying mean things to strangers. But sometimes we'll say the meanest things to people that are close to us cos we assume that they'll be able to accept what we say. And more often than not, regretting after hurting the other's feelings is just too late. I wish I had contained my tongue.

On another note, my legs are getting really red. They're like char siew pig trotters. Fat, red and well, fat. Seems like all the blood are being rushed to my legs. Something is just not right with me. Blame it on the hormones. During pregnancy, I realised that everything can just be blamed on hormones. Diarrhoea, hormones. Breakouts, hormones. Sleepless nights, hormones. Basically, everything, hormones. Only difference is the name of the hormones that is causing the different symptons.

Sleepless night

2007-10-16T17:25:00.000+08:00

So the purchasing of the pinkish stuff didn't actually work out that well. Went shopping around and none seems suitable. Apart from this, I still had a good time with my sister. She gave me a treat or rather, I demanded a treat from her cos she got her first pay from her new job. I'm not exploiting my sister ok. I'm just making her responsible cos I give her treats all the time. Haha!

The cupboard we purchased for baby arrived today. I'll be packing her stuff into the cupboard later. The cupboard is actually a full size adult cupboard with 3 doors. Bought such a big one so that I can put my clothes in it as well. Haha! Her room still doesn't very much look like a baby's room cos of the lack of decorations so I'm thinking I better do some shopping this weekend to doll up her little room.

Last night, baby gave me such a sleepless night. I think it's due to the lack of space in my womb that resulted in her movements being amplified. Every single way that I turn or sleep just doesn't seem comfortable for her. She'll be ribbing her way through the walls of my abdomen and always seem to be stretching or pounding away. I'll be woken up every 1 to 2 hours, or maybe even less, just cos she made me feel so uncomfortable. Or is it the other way round? Either way, it seems that tonight I've to do some negotiation with her so that both of us can sleep peacefully.

Thought she'll be quiet today after the lack of sleep last night, turned out that she's still quite active today. She's still moving and kicking her way around. I hope she's not a nocturnal baby. Otherwise, that'll spell trouble for me when she's born. Need to read up more on correcting her sleeping patterns. The book on baby sleep that Auntie M has lent to me is still in the stack of baby books that have not been read. Hee!

Last night I was reading on a part on the symptons of an impending delivery. I realised that I've quite a few symptons there. The first one being swollen limbs. Of cos my pig legs and sausage fingers say it all. The other one is that you'll start having diarrhoea. That's cos of some hormone being produced called prolactin. And that's precisely what is happening to me. I call my baby 'ps girl'. Go figure what's ps. My bowel movements had increased tremendously these few days. Some days I go up to three times a day. Ok so it's not that tremendous but if a normal human being only does it once a day, three times a day is three times the normal human being! Then it wrote that you'll feel contraction pain. Last night I don't know whether what I felt was contraction pain but I felt this momentarily pain at the bottom of my abdomen. Then again, it could be ps girl up to her tricks again.

Oh, today I received a gift from my colleague. Let's call her Auntie G. She came up to me and gave me a pleasant surprise by telling me that she's got a gift for me and she hopes I like it. I can't resist the temptation and opened it up straight away. It's a lovely baby book. It's kinda like a journal which I can write down every single thing about the baby. From baby's first footprints to her first lock of baby hair, to her family tree to her first birthday. I love it. I think it'll serve as a real momento for her and it will let her know how precious she is to us.

Oh here's a picture of the wallpaper that's around part of her room.

Alright, shall go pack up her cupboard now. She seemed excited about the thought cos she's rumbling about again.

Turn Baby Turn

2007-10-13T17:54:00.000+08:00

Went to the gynae after work yesterday. Am hoping that I wouldn't gain too much weight and at the same time that the baby is in the right position. Upon arrival, I did the usual thing of measuring my weight and hoping for the best. To my pleasant surprise, I only gained 100g after 2 weeks! YIPPPPEEE!! That means my gynae won't nag too much at me. However, after knowing that I've only gained 100g, I start to worry about baby. Whether she's put on weight. What a dilemma!

Waited for my turn and started to think about how long the wait will be. The usual wait is about 2 hours and looking at the little people around me, I'm hoping that today's wait will be shorter. After what seems like half an hour, I see only about 3 couples around me and I feel pretty happy about it cos I think I really don't have to wait that long today. :)

Just when I was feeling pretty happy about the whole situation, the nurse came out of the doctor's office and started calling out names of the other preggies around me and said, "Doctor Tan delivery." I wanted to kill myself there and then.

So I decided to stop waiting and went to find food. Who knows how long the delivery will take. And this is the second time that I've to wait for a delivery to take place before my turn.

Long story short, my turn finally came and as usual I was only in there for about 10 minutes. Baby is now upside down but not engaged yet. Which is good news cos the doctor wouldn't have to manually turn the baby. I jokingly told the doctor that I thought I can see her perform the 'rotation magic' and that got an evil stare from my hubby. Haha! She's also gaining weight and is now 2.3kg. 400g more from the previous visit. Which means, I've lost weight! Hee! After doing some calculation, I realised that she's gaining 200g per week and I've about 7 weeks to go. So at the rate she's growing, she'll be 3.7kg upon delivery!!!!! That's a pretty big baby. My SIL called me after the visit and I told her bout it and she told me that the baby's growth rate will become stagnant after a certain stage and only then I felt more relieved. I don't want my baby girl to be born fat and hate me for life! Haha!

Visited IKEA after the check up. Needed to buy a cupboard for baby, a bookshelf and a tv cabinet for the room. The TV cabinet is meant for hubby's aunt when she comes over to take care of the baby. We decided to put a TV in the room for her so that she can watch TV at night. So I was telling hubby that baby is a lucky baby. She already has a TV in her room before she is born. I needed to wait till I was in my teens before having a TV in my room.

Today hubby and I decided to start shifting the stuff in baby's room to make it neater. We wallpapered a portion of the room and shifted the furniture around. Now the baby's room is more like a baby room and all we needed is more decorations and pinkish stuff. I'm tasked with purchasing the pinkish stuff and I enlisted my sister's help for this. I think she's better with all this decorations.

I'm filled with anticipation for baby's arrival! Yesterday during the ultrasound scan, baby's hand was on her chin. I think she's starting to wonder what life will be like when she arrives in this world. I wonder about that all the time.

Interesting

2007-10-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

I feel accomplished today. I finished what I set out to do today. I ended the day jubilated. Went home with a light heart knowing that I can sleep peacefully tonight.

Met up with hubby and went to do what aunties do, shop at a supermarket. I should say that's now our favourite past time. To go through the aisle and see what new and exciting snacks are in store. Take note that I used the word snacks. Both of us are not very healthy people and prefer to enjoy our food. We don't really like things that are low-fat or sugar-free as we like our food real. Haha! Maybe I'll live to regret it one day. Or rather, each time I feel fat, I tell myself this unhealthy habit gotta stop but I just give in each time. :P

After dinner, we sat down together with my MIL and started watching TV. The TV show ended with a very interesting line:

感情就像牙齿，一样不能自拔。

I repeated it upon hearing that and my hubby looked at me and said, "Too bad we're married."

I was puzzled and asked him what he meant and he shrugged it off. Perhaps to mean that we're already in love? And he asked me to post it in my blog. Then he continued to say, "But in what context are you going to post this?"

Whatever the case, I made a mental note just now to make sure that I post this up tonight. I seriously think the analogy is very interesting and apt. It doesn't matter what context I post this up but it's just interesting.

While I was in the shower just now, I thought to myself how I should start my post for tonight. Then my thoughts trailed back to that interesting line and I started thinking bout my whole marriage.

It's definitely not without hiccups. However, I feel completely blessed now. When I was 16, I told my best friend about my plans. Not big major plans like becoming a CEO of a company but I told her that I wanted to get married at 25, have my first child at 27 and then my second child at 29. In that way, I'll have a complete family by the time I'm 30 and I can start watching my children grow up while I concentrate on my career.

So when I broke up with my previous boyfriend at 21, I was devastated. I asked myself how am I going to make my dream come true. Haha! So fate has it that I met my hubby at 22. We then decided to get married when I was 23. Everyone, including my parents and relatives were shocked at my hasty decision. To hand in my fate to someone whom I've just known for a year. At that point in time, I felt that it was the right thing to do and just followed my heart. My parents were hesitant but encouraging bout my decision. My cousins just hated me for that decision cos now all my aunties and uncles take me as a benchmark. Haha! Anyone who is around 23 should just start getting married. Hee!

The first few years weren't easy. The stress from work and a new lifestyle with someone new made it difficult for us to live together peacefully at times. But we made it through and after a few years of just the two of us, we got bored. We decided that a baby will make that little difference. Moreover, I'm reaching 27 and so it's time for me to embark on my next phase of life. To have baby number 1.

I wanted the baby to arrive at a nice time. That is to say, the end of my 3 months maternity leave will coincide nicely with the December holidays. So we tried and after a few months of trying, we gave up. After about 4 to 5 pregnancy test kits, we told ourselves to just forget it. Whatever will be, will be.

Life went on as usual and then on one fateful night after missing my period for about a week, hubby suggested that we try the pregnancy test kit again. The next day, we stepped into a pharmacy and we purchased the cheapest test kit found there. I didn't want to waste money again you see. Haha! Came home and the next thing I knew, it's positive!!! I couldn't believe my eyes and I asked myself whether it's due to the cheap test kit that the results are not reliable. We then rushed to the clinic nearby and there, the test is positive again. I'm pregnant.

That's how the whole excitement started. I called up my parents immediately and informed them of the good news. My sister sounded more excited than me at that time. She loves kids! That explains why she's a childcare teacher. Anyway, everyone was super excited bout the good news and the next day, my mummy called up all my aunties to bring them the good news. That's when one of my auntie told my mummy that she dreamt that my late grandma was holding on to the hand of a child. She was then wondering who'll be pregnant next. And it happened to be me.

Superstition or not, I feel that the child is blessed. She's a gift and has brought happiness to many around me. Among the many physical discomforts, the bulge that is growing everyday, reminds me of the love in my marriage. She completes part of the blissful picture that I painted for myself. And the picture will be even prettier in about 40 days time.

Rest

2007-10-09T21:34:00.000+08:00

休息是为了走更长的路.

I always abide by that saying whenever I feel like taking a rest. Left school today at 3pm after finish marking my last question for the 3E EM papers. I'm now down to my last stacks of AM papers and I'm done. The papers are back home with me but I've not even touched them yet.

Decided to come home early today cos poor hubby is on MC today. So I thought I'll come home earlier to keep him company. Ended up sleeping the afternoon away and when I woke up, it's dinner time. So I figured there's no point in trying to salvage the no-marking situation and just go with the flow. Will bring the whole stack of papers back to school tomorrow and immerse myself in marking the day away.

Worse come to worse, there's always Thursday which is the official marking day anyway.

If there's anything that this whole pregnancy has taught me, it taught me to cherish every single minute that I have. As my due date is at the end of the year, I feel the need to finish up matters and hand them over properly to the next person taking over me. So I try to complete my work quickly so that I've time to deal with the nitty gritty stuff. And that's a good thing isn't it? I guess it's probably my need to feel efficient as I'm always worrying that I'll be unable to cope with the baby coming along. So this is like a training period?

I always admire my colleagues who are able to handle both families and work. They seem to do it so effortlessly. I tell myself that I've to be like that too. I want to have my cake and eat it.

I hope that didn't sound too ambitious but we just have to better ourselves at every stage of our life right?

Just after dinner, hubby and I started discussing about where to place all the furniture in the house. Our place is currently in a mess with a whole mix of furniture. They come in all colours and designs and simply do not match at all. That's a big headache. Plus we need to make sure that the place is babysafe so that when junior is able to start walking, we don't have to start changing the furniture and everything. Space doesn't seem big enough to house everything. And to think that I used to live in a 3-room flat when I was born and my parents are able to accomodate everything in that house.

Sometimes, I think we complain too much. If I were to compare my time with my parents' time, I'm definitely much more fortunate. I've a bigger flat and both me and hubby are working to support the family. And yet, I always complain to my mummy that I've not enough money. Haha! My mummy will then bring up her old grandmother story about how she has to scrimp and save just to raise me and my sister up cos my daddy was the only one working. Then she'll go on about how they finally managed to save up enough to move to a bigger place and so on and so forth. Come to think of it, it's really quite admirable for them to be able to do that. Especially on a single income.

Oh well, it's almost 10pm and it's time for me to rest. AGAIN. Haha!

Overly Excited Parents

2007-10-07T11:06:00.000+08:00

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon. I'm supposed to start doing some marking of the exam papers but I ended up sitting in front of the computer surfing the Internet for catering services.

Hubby and I are starting to discuss the venue and menu for our baby's first month celebration. Haha! I do realise we're being overly excited but that's definitely more interesting than marking crosses on foolscap papers.

We drew up the guest list and it came up to about 150 people. Then we started wondering about how are we going to fit everyone into our flat. Maybe we'll stagger the timings. Maybe we'll cut down on the number of people we're inviting. Maybe not all of them will come. But whatever it is, maybe we shouldn't hold it at home. Then where is baby going to sleep? Decisions, decisions, decisions. I wish I live in a mansion. Then I can set up a marquee for the reception and then baby will be at home as well.

Fat Fat Fat

2007-10-06T22:48:00.000+08:00

I'm now officially 50 days away from my EDD.

The final lap of pregnancy is finally taking a toil on me. Not so much of being tired. But rather the physical discomfort that is happening to me. As a teacher, I do lots of walking and standing which are no good for me. At the end of the day, I REALLY can't find my ankles anymore. My pupils come up to me and ask me why are my ankles so swollen. Goodness gracious! And that didn't happen at the end of the day.

I always have to get my hubby dearest to massage my feet at the end of the day and that will soothe the ache a little. My feet will then will to be propped up and hopefully, I'll see my ankles the next day. However, in the morning after waking up, another ache hits me. My fingers go all numb and I've to clench them to get the blood flowing and then I'll stare at those sausage fingers to make sure that they're actually part of my body. That's my swollen ankle for tonight. And that's on a better night. Other nights it could have been worse.

At this juncture, I realise that my baby is having hiccups. The feeling is somewhat like being in a club and you keep feeling the bass of the music and your body just goes 'thump thump thump'. Something like that. Talking about baby, I think she's getting bigger and so the space inside the womb is getting limited. Sometimes when I sit without a straight back, I can feel her stretching herself to get into a comfortable position. And then I'll have to sit up straight so that she'll feel a little bit more comfortable. Trouble is I don't know what position is she in now and so can't feel whether the stretch is due to her legs or hands.

Been taking her stuff out to wash so that she'll be all ready for the new world. Her clothes are all so tiny that I'm figuring out how to hang them up on the bamboo pole. Then I think to myself, how can anyone so tiny fit into those clothes?! Haha! The sizing of my clothes just gets bigger and it's depressing to go shopping nowadays. I hardly look at myself in the mirror anymore. I can't face that fishball look anymore. *sob sob* I wish I can just store the baby somewhere during pregnancy and then pick her up at the end of the 9 months. But that will mean I'll miss out on those little kicks and little stretches. How nice if I can feel all these and the baby is stored somewhere else. Then I wouldn't have to feel enormous and still enjoy the process of pregnancy.

Oh did I mention that I'm having stretch marks already?!?!?! I was rather lazy in applying my stretch mark cream and took for granted that maybe it wouldn't happen to me. Then one fine day, I looked at myself in the mirror, admiring my tummy and saw those awful red lines!!! I almost fainted on the spot. I took out my stretch mark cream and started applying on those lines. I kept going over and over the little red lines, it's as if I'm hoping they'll go away after rubbing. But they didn't. In fact, I feel as if there're more of them recently. Told myself, what the heck. I look awful enough. What's a few more lines. Tragic isn't it?

On a happier note, baby has gotten herself a new top. Thanks to Aunty M again. It's one with a cute little rabbit.

I hear the washing machine finishing its run. Gotta go hang up baby's clothes.

Then I'll start my nightly routine of massaging my big fat ankles.

Smell

2007-10-02T11:59:00.000+08:00

After publishing the previous post, I walked out of the staff room towards the washroom. That's when a familiar smell hit me. It's the 'secondary school pupil' smell. Then some random thoughts came to my mind.

Have you ever realised that people of different age group often gives off different smell?

Babies always have that very nice 'baby smell' that they seemed to be born with. Maybe it's the smell of the amiotic fluid in the mother's womb? Somehow, babies just smell good all the time. Apart from the time they regurgitate milk, wee wee or poo poo.

Then when they reach kindergarten or primary school. They adopt another smell. It's the 'primary school kids' smell. That kind of smelly yet child-like smell. No matter which primary school or kindergarten you visit, you always get that same smell when a few dozens of kids get together.

Then of course, when they reach secondary school, they get another type of smell. It's difficult to describe but it's kinda musky. Maybe it's the smell that indicates that they're growing out of the child phase and into adulthood. It's not unbearable but just a faint musky smell. Of course, some secondary school kids grow up very fast and have gotten into the bad odour phase.

Then it's adulthood and most adults just smell like adults. Usually peppered with perfume or some other type of fragrance that they've applied on themselves. They hardly stink unless they got themselves engaged in some sports or fight?

Soon it's the middle aged and then old age. Old people also have a kind of smell that only old people will have. It's not easy to describe either. You gotta smell them to know what the smell is like.

So ya, another random meaningless post to while away my time in school when I have more important things to deal with! ARGH!!!

Sian Ah!

2007-10-02T11:06:00.000+08:00

I'm now in the midst of typing remarks for my class pupils. Not even half is done but I'm running out of ideas and decide to take a brain break. Maybe blogging will help. I guess. Plus, due to popular demand, I've been told to update my blog regularly so that my loyal fans will have more to read. Haha!

Last Saturday, I went for my regular check up at the gynae. Baby is now 32 weeks old. It seemed just like yesterday that I was counting the weeks to reach 20 and now I'm almost towards the end of the pregnancy.

I'm having mixed feelings. Both of apprehension and excitement. Apprehension cos I don't know whether I'll be able to handle the wobbly little thing in my arms and whether she'll be screaming and shouting in the middle of the night. I mean, after dealing with the monsters in school, I guess I should be able to handle a little one right? Apart from the apprehension, there is more excitement filled in me. The pregnancy has been a smooth one so far and it seems almost touching that it's near the end now. In about 2 months time, I'll be able to see my baby. Seems surreal to say 'my baby'. Haha! I feel myself not fully grown up yet and now I'm going to be a mother. Gosh!

At the last check up, the gynae really make me feel that reality is drawing near. She passed me a letter of admission to the hospital and told me that I've to bring it everywhere I go in case of emergency. She has also given me the number to call in case I feel labour pain.

So I asked her, 'How will I know whether the contractions are for real?'.

She just replied me nonchantly, 'You'll know when it's labour pain. It'll be painful. Can't describe it otherwise.'

So I just looked at her and nodded my head. Not very helpful I think to myself. Of course I know it'll be painful. But I heard so much about fake contractions. So I was more like asking her how will I know whether it's the real thing or not. But nevermind.

Baby is still in the breech position and she told me that by now, most baby would have turned and get ready for arrival. Somehow, little princess is more upright than others and prefer to stand most of the time. So gynae told me that if by the next visit, she still isn't turned around yet, she'll have to turn her manually. Baby is now 1.9kg and during the scan, we can only see parts of her. It's either the head, the abdomen or the legs. Her head just looks like a round ball, her abdomen, another round ball and legs, hmmm, somewhat resembles that of frog's legs. Haha!

My sister was also with us for the check up.

After the check up, she asked me, 'How is the doctor going to turn the baby manually?'

I gave her a blank look and she continued, 'Is she going in there to turn the baby?' She said this complete with actions. Hands outstretched and turning her palms round and round.

I wanted to laugh out loud but I contained myself and answered her, 'Then she might as well just carry the baby out right? Why go through the hassle of turning?!?!'

Then both of us started laughing. My sister never fails to make me laugh each time I'm with her.

Last night, I started packing my hospital bag. I wrote a list of what to bring while doing invigilation and realised that I may need a luggage to lug everything to the hospital. But at the same time, the bag can't be too bulky cos when the pain is here, I can't possibly bring such a heavy bag to the hospital. So I tried to find everything travel size. Hopefully, it'll reduce the weight of the bag. My bag is full of my stuff. Baby stuff is still outside. How? I can't possibly go dirty and smelly without all my toiletries or clean change of clothes right? At the same time, I can't allow my baby to go home naked without her cute little pink tops. What a dilemma. It's just giving birth and it's more difficult than rocket science.

I gotta enjoy the last 2 months of my pregnancy. All the pampering from family and friends will soon come to an end when the baby is out. The attention will be diverted to her and now I'm just riding on it.

The night before I fell asleep, I asked my hubby, 'After baby comes out, will you still wake up to make breakfast for me?'

Without hesitation, he replied, 'Yes of course. Baby needs breakfast too right?'

That ended my night and that tells you the plight I'll be in when baby is out.

Mundae

2007-09-24T19:17:00.000+08:00

Yet another countdown to Friday.

Feeling rather tired today as I woke up about 3 times to visit the washroom last night. Baby's getting heavier and so am I. Her weight is pressing down on my bladder and I feel the urge to visit the washroom very frequently. Walking is becoming a chore and my ankles are starting to resemble that of a tree trunk. I have another 9 more weeks to go before baby pops. I can't wait to see how she looks like and hold her in my arms.

I'm just glad that exams are approaching. At least school days will be shorter and I'll be able to get more rest. Will be visiting the gynae this Saturday. Shall see how heavy baby has become and whether the weight that I'm gaining is due to her or it's all with me! Horrors of horrors! Thinking of the aftermath of birth is horrifying. All the weight losing and toning up. Sigh sigh sigh.

Week 30

2007-09-18T17:18:00.000+08:00

Today I left school while the sun is bright and shiny. It's been a while since I came home a bit earlier than usual. I figured I needed rest. I mean I'm pregnant afterall and little princess needs to rest. Heh!

Came home and decided to do a little updating for my loyal fans of the blog. It may add up to say about 2? That's me and my hubby. Haha! The blog counter keeps jumping cos I've set the blog as my homepage when I launch my browser. So each time I launch my browser, the counter jumps. Haha!

This week, princess has added two new rompers to her collection.

Thanks to generous Auntie M. Auntie M has been giving princess new clothes and mostly in bigger sizes so that princess can wear them when she's older. Hopefully I haven't forgotten about them when she's that size. Heard stories about how busy mummies will be and it's scary sometimes. Hopefully I'll survive that.

Last weekend was my father-in-law's birthday. So after dinner, we decided to go shopping. Saw this cute little octopus toy and decided to buy for baby.

So exactly how interesting is this octopus? Well, when you squeeze its tentacles, it actually has sound! Haha! Ok, not only sound but each tentacle has its own note and so you can play 'twinkle twinkle little stars' or 'Mary had a little lamb' with it. These are the only 2 songs that I know that can be played with these notes. That's cos it came with the instructions. Haha! Apart from that, I guess you can play 'Three blind mice' with it as well. I think. I'm not really that musically inclined. But nevermind. Babies won't know what song I'm playing anyway.

You can see the diapers that the octopus is resting on. Those are the 2 packets of diapers that I've bought for her in preparation for her arrival. I'll be mostly using cloth diapers for her in the daytime. Save money and the environment. I'm just a poor teacher. So I think 2 packets should be enough for a while.

Alright, here's another picture that I took. Hahahaha! It's a picture of my tummy! I've been asking baby's father to help me take a picture of my stomach and all I get is 'Siao ah!'. So I've decided to do it on my own. It's quite badly taken cos I need to hold the camera, hold up my t-shirt, face the mirror and take the picture. But at least it manages to capture the tummy.

Come to think of it, it's quite blurry. Probably due to the reflection. Oh well, will try to take another one another time when it's even bigger! I guess pregnancy will be the only time when I'll be so proud of the tummy. Haha! How nice it is to just be able to plonk down on a seat without having to worry about whether your fats are spilling out from the sides. Not having to suck in your tummy and stand up straight while taking a photo. Being able to let your clothes wrap round the big fat tummy without worrying about being said fat.

Ahhh...the bliss of pregnancy. Haha! I probably won't be saying this after the baby is out from the stomach!

End of a week

2007-09-08T20:48:00.000+08:00

It seemed not too long ago that I was celebrating the start of the school holidays. It's amazing how time flies when you're having fun. Maybe not exactly loads and tonnes of fun. But well, fun times.

I'm almost done with the setting of the dreaded exam papers. Just gotta touch it up and then I'll be done. But as I look back to what I've done in this week, I feel rather empty. I wanted to tidy up my home so that it's a little less messy and a little bit more homey. But I didn't. I wanted to finish all my markings so that I can start on a clean slate. I didn't. I wanted to finish all my ironing. I didn't. Basically, apart from the fact that I have to finish setting my exam papers, all that I've set to accomplish for this week is not done. Sigh.

Maybe I should try to at least finish some stuff tomorrow. We'll see.

More photos

2007-09-03T22:31:00.000+08:00

Reality that I've work to do has not set in yet. Probably cos it's still Monday? Haha! So while Hubby is fast asleep after a hard day's work, I was busy snapping pictures of my baby princess' stuff. I took out all her clothes from the one shelf that is now stuffed and laid them all out.

These are the two bedsheets that we bought for her cot. All pink so that we can nurture the lady out of her.

A nice pink beansprout pillow to allay her fears at night. It's supposed to add some weight to her so that she can feel warm and secure while she sleeps.

Swaddles to keep her tightly wrapped up like a dumpling.

Some clothes we bought before knowing her gender. Colours are mainly orange, yellow and white. Colours that doesn't really belong to either gender.

And of course, who can resist the cute little pink tops after knowing that she's gonna be a girl?

Her total collection of clothes. Apart from those that we bought, we've got generous aunties that bought her more clothes and also some hand-me-downs from her cousin and generous aunties.

And the view from the side. 5 piles of clothes for the little princess for the first 3 months?!

And the latest to add on to her collection. A nice pink dress!

Just realised I didn't post this up yesterday. Another of her toy from the Sesame Street Collection, without the poisonous lead paint. Heh!

Finally, all her things kept in a corner of her room. Amidst the mess, her stroller, her cot, her swing, her milk bottles, diapers, steriliser, playmat, baby wipes, baby detergent, baby body wash, toys, bath tub and a walker that doesn't belong to her.

Tell me about typical kiasu parents.

Saving starfishes

2007-09-03T20:35:00.000+08:00

Went back to school this morning for my supplementary lesson. It feels different knowing that you'll only be there for 2 hours instead of the usual 12 hours. Although I didn't stay only for 2 hours, it still feels different just knowing that it's the holidays.

Exam papers not set, stacks of papers and books not marked, lessons not planned and the list goes on. However, not having to wake up at 6am is happiness. So lesson ended earlier than I expected. Maybe my kids are feeling the same way as I am. Happy and so they learn faster?

As I'm finishing some work in the office, my colleague called out to me excitedly from across the staff room. I walked towards her cubicle and she showed me a malay article that is on the Internet. I've no idea what was written except for the few words like 'saya', 'anda' and 'cikgu'. So she told me that the article translated to mean that I've changed a pupil's perspective towards mathematics. I was touched and for that moment, I realised the power of teaching.

This girl that wrote the passage is always very quiet in class. She seldom asks and sometimes, I wonder at the back of my mind whether she understood my lessons. I reckon she's just a very quiet girl. But underneath this very quiet exterior, I've touched a bit of her life. It's just amazing to know how my efforts have managed to change a bit of her. It somehow makes my walking into class more meaningful knowing that at least one pupil in the class has enjoyed my lessons.

There are ups and downs in teaching. I always tell myself that it is the same for every job. Except that teaching really touches lives. I rely on the happy moments each time I feel like giving up. The journey is never easy and lots of time and sacrifices are made. When we reap the fruits of our labour, that's when it's all worthwhile.

Today, I was just discussing with another colleague of mine about how time flies. In a blink of an eye, I've taught for almost 4.5 years. My very first batch of pupils have graduated and moved on to their tertiary education. Seeing them all grown up and coming back to school on Teachers' Day makes me feel old sometimes. However, I am still glad that they remembered me. Memories are important. They keep me going. It makes me feel that I'm not wasting my time in school and actually responsible for a part of my pupils' lives.

So below is the article that is online.

Cikgu ,

Anda telah mengubah pemikiran saya terhadap pelajaran Matematik. Dahulu, saya amat membenci subjek ini sehinggakan saya tidak suka ke kelas anda dan menghabiskan tugasan yang diberi.

Namun, dari masa ke masa, saya mula menyukai pelajaran itu dan saya rasa Matematik tidak lagi susah.

Kini, markah peperiksaan saya untuk subjek Matematik mula meningkat sejak anda mengajar saya. Saya amat gemar ke kelas anda kerana anda bukan saja menggunakan buku rampaian dan latihan malah banyak memanfaatkan cara lain seperti kuiz dan kerja kumpulan.

Saya juga amat bersyukur kerana mendapat guru Matematik seperti anda yang telah banyak mengubah hidup saya. Saya percaya Matematik amat penting untuk masa depan saya.

Cikgu, anda berjaya mengubah perspektif pelajar seperti saya tentang Matematik.

Terima kasih Cikgu dan Selamat Hari Guru.

Sweeping away the cobwebs

2007-09-02T18:25:00.000+08:00

I've been reminded again and again by various people to update my blog. But I'm sooooooooo busy that I keep forgetting about it. Haha! Ok, maybe not. I'm just too L-A-Z-Y!

It's been a very long time since 'My little fingers' and baby has now grown beyond her rat-like look. I really have no idea how to continue from the thrill of first seeing her little fingers.

Alright, let's see. *Thinks for a long long time*

Ok, maybe I'll start with the detailed scan on 6 July 2007. It was scheduled at 2.30pm and the purpose of the scan is to make sure that her organs are growing well and that her backbone is well-developed. To also make sure that she has no cleft lips and most importantly, to find out her gender. Well, I guess it's no surprise to most people who knows English that even before I announce the gender, you can easily guess that she's a girl. Ok, for those of you who doesn't realise still, the heavy usage of 'her' in this post should tell you that baby is a girl. Haha!

Hubby and my mother-in-law went with me for the detailed scan and the doctor was rather confident of his scan and showed us how he confirmed that she was a girl. He was all professional about it and went, "Can you see the two lines at the labia? It confirms that she's a girl." So any hopes of her being a boy is dashed. It's not that I'm unhappy that she's a girl. I've always wanted a baby girl. But at the same time, I only want to have 2 babies and I tell myself that one of them must be a boy. I mean after all, hubby is the only male descendent of the family. Coming from a Chinese family, it seems quite important that I have a baby boy. So if baby is a boy, I'll have less pressure in the next pregnancy. Haha! But that's beside the point now.

So during that scan, doctor told us that baby is healthy and everything is going on well. I seriously think that is the most important thing to the baby. We were told that she's quite an active baby but generally cooperative as she wasn't hiding away from the scope the whole time the scan was going on.

Here's a pic of her when she was 19 weeks old.

I call this picture the 'princess wave'. She was waving when we were trying to locate her hands.

That was the latest pic I have of her in my tummy. Just yesterday, I requested for her pic but doctor says that now she's too big to be in a single picture and so it doesn't make sense to take any picture.

This week, baby is 28 weeks old. She's now a 1.2kg baby and her kicks are getting more regular. From the last check up, when she is 24 weeks, she has grown almost double. She was 585g the last time we checked. I read somewhere that now she's going through a growth spurt and so that explains the weight gain. Oh ya, during the last check up, we saw baby moving! We actually saw her moving her little thumb into her mouth. She ended up sucking her thumb! Hee!

I'm beginning to feel more and more like a penguin as the days go by as I'm starting to have difficulty walking like a normal human being. Haha! My legs are starting to show signs of water retention and it looks like an elephant leg at the end of day. Especially on days when my teaching periods are more than usual. I always have a hard time locating my ankles. Haha!

Well, apart from all these, I guess I'm quite blessed that this pregnancy has been quite smooth. Oh did I mention bout the breakouts on my face, back and body? Alright, apart from this as well, the pregnancy has been quite smooth. I didn't suffer from morning sickness and the other pregnancy complaints. And of course, the best part of it all is the shopping!

Hubby and I are pretty excited about the arrival of baby and each time we go out shopping, we end up buying stuff for baby. She has now a shelf full of clothes to welcome her and lots of toys for her to play with. We've got the baby cot ready, milk bottles, steriliser, baby wipes, baby bootees, baby mittens, pacifier, night light, swaddles, pram, bath tub, changing mat etc etc ready. We even bought wallpaper so that we can decorate the room for her.

An elmo toy and a bear hand puppet......

A cot mobile courtesy of her aunt.

I don't really know how to describe this. But basically it allows baby to kick on it and the little chick will flap its wings saying 'peekaboo' with a little tune.

We bought this turtle in KL. It will give out a baby giggle when you press on its shell. When we first saw it, we didn't buy cos it was the last piece and we felt that it was quite dusty. So in the end, we went to several other stores and couldn't find it. Finally, we found this at Toy'R'Us in one of the shopping mall. And it was also the last piece! Luckily it wasn't dusty. So we brought it all the way back from KL. Recently, we saw this in Singapore as well. Haha! And we thought this was something unique that can only be found in Malaysia.

Bought this night light on Friday. It is sound activated. Which means if baby cries, the light will be switched on automatically and the theme sound of 'Winnie the Pooh' will start playing. It also has a projection on the wall.

These are just some of the new items that baby has. Will take pictures of her new clothes the next time round. We bought her some nice dresses recently too. For now, we're just counting down to the days when she'll be out to greet the world. I'll be lying if I say I'm not excited. Feeling her little kicks inside my tummy is a real magical feeling. It reminds me constantly that a little life is growing inside of me. She can be really naughty at times. Just the other night, her daddy was trying to listen to what she is doing inside the tummy. Just as daddy was listening intently to her, she gave daddy a little kick on his face. I wonder all the time who she will look like, whether she'll be a good baby, how her smile will be like and so on.

It feels very blissful to be in this stage right now.

My little fingers

2007-04-27T14:48:00.000+08:00

So I went for the second check up yesterday. I was pretty worried before the check up as I don't know whether baby has grown since the last time we saw him/her? Hmm...let's presume she's a her.

Appointment was fixed at 5pm but the clinic called me at 4.15pm asking me if I can go earlier. I was happy of course as the gynae is really quite popular and we always have to wait for a long time for her. Despite the fact that my stomach is growling away, I went to register first at 4.30pm and waited patiently for my turn. However, upon reaching the clinic, I knew something was not right. There were at least 3 other couples sitting outside her room and I'm wondering to myself if I heard the nurse wrongly. But I didn't. Nevertheless, I waited. One after another, the couples went in and I sat there looking at the time ticking away. I felt seriously cheated and I wanted to kill myself at that instant. Hunger and impatience isn't a good combination.

As we were sitting just outside the clinic, we could hear the heartbeat of other babies while their mummies were doing their ultrasound. I even jokingly told my hubby that I'm going to ask the gynae to do a ultrasound for my stomach too so that she can hear my stomach growling away from hunger. (Note: As my baby is still pretty small so the scanning is done through, ermm, the direct passage.)

After what seems like a few million years, I'm finally in the consultation room. Well, at least the wait was worth it as the baby has grown. Dr says that baby has grown more than double and is now on the growing curve. Thank goodness. We were naturally relieved of course. Took back the scan and to our observation, we can actually see the little fingers. Really amazing!

The delivery package and ward were also booked yesterday. I think I'm ready. =)

A sneak preview

2007-04-20T16:14:00.000+08:00

Here's a preview of how the miracle looks like.

Went to the gynae last Thursday and we got to see the heartbeat of the little one. It was definitely an emotional moment. I can feel the surge of emotions as I watch the little flicker on the screen telling me that the little one is alive and growing. All is well except that the gynae said that the little one seems a little smaller than what she predicted. That is cos she can't really gauge how old is the baby as I don't even have my temperature chart. Well, this is a surprise so I've a perfect excuse not to be well-prepared.

The hubby has been a perfectly supportive one so far. He wakes up earlier than me every morning to prepare breakfast for me and he makes sure that I get my glass of milk every morning and night. He will also prepare food for me to bring to work and he'll cook whatever that I wanna eat the moment I say that I'm hungry. Gotta admit I'm just taking this chance to be spoilt. Having a baby has definitely changed a lot of things. I can no longer eat anything as I wish and food has to be healthy and nutritious. At least it should look healthy to me. I sneakingly ate a laksa yesterday and I was given THE look when he found out. Well, pregnant women do have their cravings don't they?

My relatives and some friends have found out about the good news and I'm glad that they're happy for me. My SIL has also given me her maternity clothes and now I have the perfect reason to have a change of my wardrobe. I've yet to go shopping yet as I can still fit into my normal work clothes but I can feel that it's getting tighter as the days go by.

I'll be visiting the gynae again next week. Hopefully the baby has grown bigger and the gynae will tell me that all is well and fine. Meanwhile, I just have to take more rest as I'm getting serious bouts of fatigue everyday. According to what I've read, it's a normal effect of getting pregnant and it should go away after the first trimester. But I can't take it as I get tired so easily that all I want to do is to sleep and sleep.

How I wish I don't have to work. It comes back to once again my ambition of being a tai tai. If only. Hee!

Miracles

2007-04-08T17:43:00.000+08:00

Sometimes life has an interesting way of making decisions for you. Just when I'm thinking of throwing in the towel for my current life, the little miracle came along and decided that this is not to be so.

It still feels rather surreal and I have my doubts about whether it is really happening. I don't feel the existence and sometimes think maybe it's all a dream. Other times, I feel rather excited about its arrival. I'm 6 weeks into this miracle and all this while, I just didn't know.

Maybe I should just embrace this happiness and enjoy the ride. It's definitely a gift from above and what better way to show gratitude than to provide the best for this gift.

It may not be easy and everyday is going to bring new surprises. I just hope for a smooth arrival and that the gift will bring about lots of happiness and jubilance to everyone around.

Denial

2007-03-19T20:17:00.000+08:00

Do you sometimes feel so helpless about a situation that you get frustrated because you're helpless? I felt it today.

A pupil seemed to have lost her way in the course of her growing up years. She refused to attend class and prefer instead to stay in the toilet. Her friends came to inform me and I went searching for her. When I saw her, tears started to roll down her cheeks. For that moment, I wondered to myself: 'Is she angry or is she upset?' From her eyes, all I could see is anger. She may feel that her friends have betrayed her but to me, I choose to think that they're doing it for her own good. But why is she angry with them?

I tried talking sense to her but even after trying for about 10 minutes, I knew nothing went into her. Although I manged to persuade her to class, I found out later that she wasn't cooperative in class. So I guess my attempt failed.

The more I think about it, the more helpless I felt. Her mother is nonchalant about it and sometimes, even condone her acts. What more a teacher? What can I do if even her own mother is like that?

I know I lost her. But I really wish there's something I can do to help her before she falls further.

But can I?

Lazy Sunday

2007-03-18T13:51:00.000+08:00

Tonnes of work waiting for me both at home and at school. I'm halfway through my markings and I've decided to give myself a break. So I came online and tried logging into my blogger and to my surprise, I can't remember my userid and password.

I have never imagined that such things will actually happen to me. That's cos I always set the same password for all my whatever accounts and the same userid for all my whatever accounts. However, ever since I started working, the number of passwords have increased and it is made worse by the fact that I've to change the password every quarterly. With so many accounts and so many passwords, the day when I finally forget my password and userid finally happened! However, in the end, I finally managed to get it right and that's why I'm here posting.

To think that tomorrow is Monday is such a sad thought. The short one week holiday has finally came to an end. With all the setting of exam papers, markings and workshops, this holiday is hardly a holiday for me.

Sometimes, it irks me to hear others saying how easy life is for a teacher. To the ignorant public, we're always ending our work at around 2pm and we've long holidays. We don't work on Saturdays and Sundays and we are only dealing with kids after all. Oh, how I wish I can go on TV and make a public announcement that this is hardly the case. Let's take me for example, I wake up at unearthly time of 6 am and without breakfast, I go off to work. The moment I reach school, I take a deep breath and start my day. On a good day, I'll still be able to grab some breakfast and on some other days, I just go hungry with only coffee fueling my body. I'll have to stay in school almost everyday till 6.30pm. When I reach home, I rest for a while and start working on whatever work that I've brought home and only go to bed at around 12 midnight. The next day, it begins all over again. Saturdays and Sundays are used to complete whatever markings that is left unmarked. The work is just endless.

So what bout the holiday you say. Oh well, let's see. March and September holidays are spent setting exam papers and June holidays are spent preparing for term 2. First part of the December holidays are spent preparing for the next year and maybe we do have about 3 weeks of real holidays left. So there, poor teachers like us work for almost 16 hours a day, including Saturdays and Sundays.

If you think that it's easy being a teacher, think again.

But of course, whatever comes along with the work is the satisfaction of the job. It is always heartening to know that pupils under your charge are learning and growing up with sound morals and attitudes. My first batch of students have graduated and knowing that they're embarking on the next phase of their life just brings a smile to my face whenever I think about them. I see my current pupils working hard for their future and having that desire to learn just makes me feel that probably, all the hard work is worth it. There are good days and there are bad days. On a bad day, I tell myself that life is never a bed of roses and one day, I will just forget that this bad day has happened. It will pass and life will still go on.

The washing machine has just finished its run. Gotta go hang up the laundry. Did I mention that in between all the school work, there's housework to be done too? Maybe it's not tough being a teacher, it's just tough being a female teacher. =p